This article will show you how to keep it spicy with alterations between each routine and become the perfect Dom/Sub for your significant other.
Having BDSM can be pretty straightforward; the more challenging part is knowing how to keep your partner coming back for more after a particularly exhausting session. BDSM is usually fun and thrilling, and much planning goes into the activity, but very few people know how to perform BDSM aftercare when the session is over.
Do they continue roleplaying as the uncaring Master and leaving their partners to clean up the mess, or do they revert to being a lover who cares deeply for their significant other? Sometimes, it’s hard to draw the lines, especially when BDSM has played into the power dynamics of a relationship. Still, research and experience have shown that BDSM aftercare is just as crucial as pre-care.
In this article, we will show you six simple and effective ways to keep your partner hooked with BDSM aftercare which includes:
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Energy Replenishment
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Body care
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Words of Affirmation
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Sleep
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Physical Touch
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Relaxing Habits/Hobbies
What Is BDSM Aftercare?
BDSM aftercare is the physical and emotional process to relieve the body and mind of the strain they might’ve undergone during a BDSM session. Aftercare could be a long talk or cuddling session after hours of sex, a peck on the lips while in the shower, or simply caressing patches of pain from BDSM. BDSM involves various kinks ranging from light activities like nasty talking, gagging, handcuffing, or roleplay to whipping, bondage, fisting, golden showers, spit-roasting, and scatting. At the end of all that kinky exploration, BDSM aftercare helps you transition to an ordinary couple’s life. See more on The Ultimate BDSM Manual for Beginners.
Why Do You Need BDSM Aftercare?
It is easy to overlook BDSM aftercare as unnecessary, especially if you have engaged in BDSM constantly and are used to the conditions of the sex; however, the body does not always relate with stress by muscle memory, but rather the release of hormones such. During the act, the body is stressed by activities that may include physically exerting kinks, such as rope tying, wax play, gagging, spanking, cuffing, electrostimulation, and asphyxiation.
The strain is often emotional, especially in the case of the Dom, who is responsible for administering the pain and pushing the hard limits of the couple’s sexual life. The release of endorphins during sex creates a high feeling, but after the act, a chemical drop usually follows, which is when reality hits hard. This particular time of a BDSM, where the Dom or the sub feels “like on drugs,” is named Dom- or subspace. Find out more about this very desirable place to be in our article about Domspace and subspace.
To read more on chemical drops that could occur after an intense BDSM play, check our article: Sub Drop Is BDSM Aftermath – How To Deal With It.
Selten, some partners can experience a breakdown after analyzing what they did to or with their partner. If scars are created, the guilt is worse as the Dom partner will most likely see themselves as monsters and abnormal for taking pleasure in causing such pain to someone they claim to love. The internal struggle can cause a split if not correctly managed by BDSM aftercare for the Doms. This worsens when the sub is a self-acclaimed masochist who does not necessarily have hard limits regarding sex. Such a partner could drive a Dom crazy. See more on How To Please a Masochist In Bed.
In the case of the sub partners, the body releases endorphins and adrenaline, which may increase the cortisol levels in your blood system, suppressing the body’s immunity strength. This means that even if you don’t know it, your body becomes weaker after a session of BDSM and should be brought back to balance by aftercare activities. Also, sometimes BDSM sessions get out of hand, and the usual recipient of the adverse turn of events is often the sub. Without proper aftercare, the sub may develop anxiety and a reduced desire for BDSM plays in consequential times.
Aftercare is engaged in making sure BDSM does not become a one-time thing. It is the maintenance of the body and mind to continue enjoying it. BDSM Aftercare helps couples re-evaluate their BDSM play and debrief their procedures to understand each other better. It is also a bunch of routines that help partners build closer bonds by sharing and recounting details of their BDSM play positively. By this, improvements are made, and their sex lives become hotter. It is a critical process that helps a BDSM couple glide back smoothly into their ordinary lives after BDSM-charged sessions.
Let us dig a bit deeper, divide aftercare into its categories or types, and provide some examples.
Types Of BDSM Aftercare
Since there are two sides to the effects of BDSM – the physical and emotional, the types of aftercare vary but broadly fall into the physical and emotional categories.
Physical aftercare includes body care, replenishment, physical touch, and sleep. At the same time, the emotional or psychological aftercare includes words of affirmation and relaxation.
Examples Of BDSM Aftercare
1. Energy Replenishment
Sex is a calorie-burning activity. It is impossible not to sweat, ejaculate, moan, or engage in the motions of sex without losing energy and fluids which constitute components of our body mass. Being dehydrated or in a vitamin deficit after sex can reveal itself in symptoms such as panting, increased body temperature, dizziness, weak muscles, skin breakage, and the like. The first thing to do after a long session of BDSM would be to drink water or an energy drink. You can also keep a bottle of water in the bedroom before sex for you and your partner in case someone needs it. After water, energy can be supplemented by an energy drink to boost your body before taking a preferred snack or fruit bar. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a full-blown meal, but it has to be nutritious. Partners also love it when these things are sorted before sex, as it goes a long way to show that you, as a Dom, are concerned about your sub’s health. It also helps strengthen your bond with your partner when you share snacks and drinks after an exhausting session of sex. A spoonful of glucose in water should suffice if snacks are unavailable until proper snacks or food can be gotten. For diabetic patients, a salty and light snack should be within reach as the energy changes after BDSM are usually unpredictable.
2. Body Care
After the spanking, bruising, whipping, and in rare cases, burning, it is essential to pamper the body and soothe the stress away. The most recommended form of body care is a shower or soaking in a bathtub with medicated soaps and fragrant candles to soothe the body and mind. If you’re a Dom, bathing with your sub and scrubbing them clean with soft strokes helps create a form of intimacy and communicates your love, especially if you had to be harsh during the BDSM session. Body care could also refer to treating wounds, if any occur during BDSM Play, to prevent an infection. Although this can be done alone, doing it with a partner is recommended. Note that body care may not necessarily cover the usage of a spa or lounging outside under the scorching heat. Body care could be a massage, a bath, or any other activity that does not disturb your skin. An ice pack, first aid kit, and bruising ointment would be handy after BDSM.
3. Words of Affirmation
This is most needed when an element of roleplay or Master/slave scenarios is used in the sex. When a scenario of BDSM digs deep into the darker recesses of a couple’s mind, it can be easy to become lost and feel insecure about one’s identity or worth. Words of affirmation remind one’s partner of their importance and that you love them regardless of whatever happens during sex.
Even Doms need words of affirmation from their subs whenever they feel guilty for what they might’ve done to their sub during sex.This help couples to bond better and strengthens their understanding of one another during sex. In addition, it serves as an avenue to discuss whatever bothered a partner during sex and reconsider limits.
Generally, subs and Doms feel most vulnerable after sex and often must be reminded that they are loved, needed, and more than objects of desire.
4. Sleep
Sex itself induces sleep due to the release of sleep-inducing hormones during an orgasm, so I guess you’re wondering why it is mentioned as an example of BDSM aftercare. The reason is that it is possible to fight sleep if one needs to get busy. Although it is atypical, BDSM practices like controlled ejaculation or edging can cause chemical imbalances in the body due to repeatedly firing the wrong signals. It is also possible to have sex without an orgasm; in that case, the sleep-inducing hormones that come with ejaculation will not be released.
Therefore, it becomes something that one needs to be intentional about. Sleeping after sex helps reduce cortisol levels, which allows you to age slower, look better, and function better. Sleep is also a natural phenomenon by which the body rests and repairs all damaged cells that BDSM could produce. Sleep also helps clear the mind whenever it is clustered. Sleeping with your partner after sex is highly recommended to counter Sub/Dom Drop.
5. Physical Touch
Dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin are chemicals and hormones the brain releases to help you feel good and reduce stress. They are usually released when you perform an activity you love or with someone you love. The highest amounts of these hormones are released into the body during sex. However, when it comes to BDSM, a good dose of adrenaline and cortisol is released too to induce fear, danger, and stress. Physical touch can help regulate the hormone levels after sex and reassure one another that they are safe and loved. Physical touch could be a massage or patting each other’s back softly. It could be in the form of caresses or cuddling as well. For example, you could just hug your partner for a long time till they calm down from their high, or sit quietly beside them with your hands across their shoulders and your sides touching.
6. Relaxing Habits
This is the weirdest form of aftercare, but it refers to doing something you love to release dopamine which in turn helps to regulate the hormone imbalance. Some artists find that they have more inspiration to draw or write lyrics after good sex, even if it is BDSM. It could be an activity you love with your partners, such as movie-watching or cooking, as long as you feel connected and good. Note that this should not be any physically tasking activity because your body is still deficient. You certainly don’t want to go jogging right after a BDSM session, nor do you want to go fishing. It should be something ordinary and relaxing.
Consequences Of Not Taking Care Of A Proper BDSM Aftercare
This list represents a few challenges you could face as a BDSM-loving partner who does not engage in any form of BDSM aftercare. BDSM Aftercare is not just to ensure that your partners remain safe and wants to enjoy more BDSM plays with you but also to build intimacy and counter any adverse effects that could be around the corner. So be sure to avoid the following by engaging in proper aftercare:
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Increased Stress Level
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Biochemical Imbalance
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Disconnection from partner
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Risk of infections from bruises
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Sexual Anxiety
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Self-esteem issues
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Separation
Conclusion
BDSM Aftercare should be discussed between partners before they engage in sex, and if certain materials like a first aid kit or an ice pack will be required based on the intensity of activities planned, then they should be arranged before BDSM play takes place. It also makes sense to prepare for emergencies where a partner can go unconscious or get cut.
BDSM aftercare should not be based on role or gender but rather a collaborative process for both partners. BDSM requires vulnerability and trust, and the whole session can often leave both partners mentally shaking. Like in 50 Shades of Grey, you might experience uncertainty after BDSM. However, aftercare helps ensure that both the Dom and sub are fine after a play scene.
And if you want to be better prepared for the time after your next BDSM play, check out this article detailing a kind of “first aid kit” for your aftercare: From Subspace To Reality – BDSM Aftercare Kit For A Safe return.
