How to Please a Masochist in Bed 

Sexual masochism is often the subject of debate among medical experts. While some may argue that gaining pleasure from pain is a mental disorder that can interfere with daily life, it should also be noted that masochism can lead to consensual and pleasurable experiences for those involved. Therefore, it is essential to consider all views when making judgments about this topic, as well as remain mindful of any potential physical or psychological harm that could occur. In this article, we will have a deeper look at how to please a masochist in bed.

However, we don’t bring in science to determine our kinks, as most masochists feel okay with THAT kind of pleasure. Masochism is also a very interesting kink. If you ever feel you might have that ability to transform pain into pleasure or have a lot of people around call you a masochist for specific reasons, check out our article on it to see signs to take note of as a masochist. 

Let’s get back to our question. To understand how to please a masochist in bed, it is essential to know the different types of masochists first. So let’s take a closer look.

Types of Masochists

According to studies, there are three classes of masochists; in this article, we focus on this class related to our question about what masochists like in bed. 

The first is the feminine masochist. These are people who enjoy being punished like a child to derive pleasure. Unfortunately, most times, this kind of masochism is associated with childhood trauma and abuse. 

We also have moral masochists. Moral masochists are individuals that prefer to suffer for the pleasure of others. They gain satisfaction when crossing boundaries to impress others or make them happy.

And the final class, which is our case study is erotic masochism. Erotic, Erotogenic or sexual masochists are individuals that get aroused when they feel pain or get hurt. This pain is not compulsorily physical, as it can also be psychological. 

See this article for more introductory information on masochism. 

What do Masochists Want in Bed? 

Pain. That’s just what they want, basically. Masochists feel comfortable in painful situations and derive pain from suffering and humiliation. Most of the time, they get sadist partners that tend to give off the exact vibe they seek. So if you want to please a masochist in bed, here are some kinds of stuff you should consider trying out. 

1. Impact plays. This should generally be like a masochist favorite, as continuous striking can be interesting. You can spank, flog, or whip your partner to give them that pain sensation they so seek. However, know when to stop and when they want you to stop (we will discuss that later). 
2. You can make use of degrading language; bitch, hoe, dirty boy, or whatever your partner might enjoy at that particular point. Sexual Masochism isn’t just about physical hurt.  Mental games and manipulations also work. 
3. Restraint plays come in handy when you are with a masochist. Try having tighter ropes or bondage materials to amp up the fun, leaving your partner completely uncomfortable. Rope suspensions and tight Shibari knots can also cause discomfort for the partner. Check this article to learn the toughest ropes for this kind of play. 
4. Hickeys. Hickeys cause sore necks when they are on for a long time. You can also bite your masochist partner on sensitive areas like the nipples, feet, or thighs. 
5. Temperature play. Temperature plays are really fun for masochists that like to explore. Try out candle wax, fire, or ice will work the trick. Of course, sensory deprivation plays are equally suitable for masochists. Interesting? Please find more details in our dedicated article on temperature play.
6. Urolagnia (urine humiliation). Urolagnia is a form of sexual pleasure involving urine or humiliation associated with it. It can include activities like urinating in public, drinking someone else’s urine, and wearing diapers or other clothing related to urine play. Your partner’s consent is highly required for this particular play and should be fully understood.  
7. Choking and hair pull are some exciting actions you can carry out on a masochist. 
8. Rouge sex, like hardcore sex, anal penetration, and hard oral sex. You can also include scratching on your list but be gentle. 
9. Orgasm denial and ejaculation withholding can cause severe pain when done for long, and on the other hand, over-stimulation and many sex rounds can equally be uncomfortable. 

Generally speaking, also everything a sadist will do or want to do is what a masochist will enjoy during intercourses, as both parties have the same goal but from different angles. 

What Should I Expect from a Masochist During Sex?

1. In a nutshell, masochists want to be uncomfortable and in pain. So, when you get into a sexual relationship with a masochist partner, here are some activities or reactions to expect. First, they can be open and vulnerable. Masochists will make it very clear that they want you to do particular stuff that normally would seem harmful and maybe illegal. Masochists are usually submissive. Since they want the pain, they go for the passive side of the intercourse, giving room to be spanked, flogged, and maltreated by the dominant partner.
2. They are usually endurable, so take note of that. They last long in bed, regardless of what condition you might put them through. 
3. Masochists like begging for whatever they want. So if they want you to do something to them, like spank or choke them, they will beg rather than being authoritative.
4. They are usually very clingy. Masochists like attention, so get ready to have them around you while in action. 

Mental Masochistic Plays 

It is not always beating or hanging that masochism is all about. Have you tried calling them slut names or games that you know will stress your partner because they are not good at it? Masochism goes way more than physicality, and many people who want to explore and discover new possibilities during BDSM turn more to the mental aspects to see what is to be offered. 

How can I hurt my partner mentally? In addition to the few listed above, there are many other ways to have your masochist feel the pain in their mind. For the guys, you can have them play games that you know they won’t win or make them watch you pleasure yourself.  And the ladies, make your male partner wear female clothes (feminization) while making love, or have role plays where you are in charge.

Turn-Offs for Masochists

Remember that masochists aren’t sex maniacs. They have emotions, feelings, and interests. So some of your ‘rough stuff’ might not be pleasing to them based on some, maybe even minor factors. These are some of the reasons: 

1. Hygiene: Masochism entails giving complete submission, and no one will want to submit their bodies to an unhygienic person. Yes, humiliation is also part of the points, but at the same time, to an extent, essential cleanliness should be put in place. Deodorants and scented mouthwashes may be already enough.
2. Affection: This aspect goes in two ways. Some masochists might want to be treated entirely severely. Total humiliation, brutal beatings, and wouldn’t mind being treated like rags. And on the other hand, some masochists want it soft and gentle but still painful. 
3. Hard limits: When it is enough, it is enough. No one likes when their opinions are not respected during sex, including masochists.
4. Fear: If you have a masochist partner, you should be ready for what will happen. Most masochists are not looking for cuddles or long hugs during intercourse. They are for the pain, and you should know that is what they want. So, when your partner asks for a whipping, you shouldn’t hesitate. 
5. Past events: In a situation whereby a masochist has a history of self-harm, as a top or Dom, you should know these events and try not to get them triggered. Asides pissing the masochist off, it can cause seizures or severe health complications. So, it is compulsory to get fully informed consent from their partners on the kind of activities they will be doing. 
6. Fellow masochist: No masochist seeks another masochist. They want someone who meets their vibe, usually someone ready to give them the pain they want; that is why they typically go for sadists. 

Hurt vs. Harm 

Regardless, be humane.

Yes, we said we would return to this point later on, and here we are. Masochism isn’t a death sentence, so at least have some humanity in you. However, hard limits should be noted to avoid crossing particular boundaries. Considering the type of relationship this is, safety words and signs are more than crucial because your partner might be tied up or restrained from physical movements. 

It is believed that some masochists are created from ugly past experiences and trauma, so there are possibilities for individuals to have some memories they wish to bury deep. Talk with your masochist partner to form a proper bond, avoiding those boundaries.  

Also, be considerate when having your intercourses. Don’t leave marks that might end up being irreversible, leaving the masochist with many questions to answer. Be careful in what you use to hit your partner or what you put inside of them so there will not be any significant casualties. 

Safety Tips When with a Masochist

Regardless of how rogue masochism is viewed, it still requires proper care and conduct. We don’t pray for the worst, but there is no harm in preparing for it. Most times, your masochist partner might just want to rush straight into the fun; however, ensure you meet these safety guidelines even if it makes you look weak or afraid. There is no shame in being safe before sex. 

So, when having sex or BDSM plays with a masochist, here are some essential safety tips to ensure

1. Try and avoid their past traumas, if there are any.
2. Always have a first aid kit; this is to prevent any unplanned-for casualties or mishaps.
3. Your masochist partner might want you to go on, but when you feel it is okay, you have the liberty to stop.
4. Always have quick safety hands tools, like scissors, screwdrivers, or a hammer, in case an extreme restraint begins to prove stubborn. 
5. Ask about what they like doing, and if you notice any triggers, avoid that act. 

FAQs

Are all masochists products of trauma?

This is a common misconception about masochists. Not all masochists were abused as children or at an early age. What all masochists have in common is the urge to have that feeling of release after the scene of being hurt or in pain. Masochism is not a kind of post-traumatic defect or illness. 

Is self-harm the same as masochism?

There is a line between masochism and self-harm. Self-harm is simply causing pain to one’s self by burning, cutting, or piercings, but without the intention of suicide. However, it is an unhealthy way to release questionable intentions and feel oneself’s presence. 

While erotic Masochism is simply a thirst for pain for sexual arousal or emotional satisfaction, not all masochists are involved in self-harm, but some individuals with a history of self-harm might be masochists.   

Must I be a sadist to date a masochist?

It depends on how you feel, inflicting pain on another individual. If you have a basic relationship with a masochist, and you are not one to cause any form of pain, you will notice slight drifts away because they are not getting what they want. So, if you love a masochist, you might have to develop an equal love for pain infliction. 

Conclusion

Masochism is a very misunderstood concept, but at the same time, very broad and exciting.

Starting off from the arguments of it being a mental illness to what it comprises, masochism is always an interesting topic to deal with. In a nutshell, it deals with submission and dominance but with a higher degree of trust. When this trust is established, it will be easy to understand what precisely a masochist partner wants. 

This article will not give you the exact idea of what your masochist partner wants. You must rub your minds to understand what will come and how it should be. Like every other BDSM class, safety is paramount in masochism to avoid things unseen and not hoped for.