If Fifty Shades of Grey is anything, it’s a guilty pleasure. But it can be challenging to separate fact from fiction when the books are marketed as an erotic trilogy that explores the BDSM lifestyle. Nevertheless, the storyline is not too complicated. The story begins as Ana travels to Seattle, Washington, to interview 27-year-old Christian Grey, the mysterious millionaire CEO of Grey Industries. They fall deeply and quickly in love. They experience a dramatic and passionate romance, and they ultimately fulfill the typical American dream of falling in love, getting married, and having a child.
However, their sex is a bit unconventional. Ana learns early on in the first book that Christian is obsessed with BDSM. The primary conflict in the books is that Christian loves Ana, but he is attracted to sexual sadism. On the other hand, Ana loves Christian, but she doesn’t want to become his submissive. So how does ‘fifty shades of grey’ reflect BDSM?
Fifty Shades of Grey is not a BDSM book but rather an erotic romance novel that promotes the idea of submissiveness and domination. Fifty Shades of Grey has indeed drawn attention to a subject requiring more open discussion and acceptance. But, admittedly, it was done in a way that glosses over or completely ignores some of the most crucial facets of BDSM life.
BDSM seems so simple that it can be portrayed as an easy fix for people who are sexually frustrated or unsatisfied by their relationship with their partner. But the reality is that there are multiple levels of BDSM that go beyond just what’s seen in Fifty Shades of Grey. Many of the sexual practices mentioned in 50 Shades are not necessarily conventional, but they’re part of BDSM culture.
As such, this trilogy doesn’t get everything right in how it reflects BDSM; we did thorough research to feed you with all you need to know regarding the subject. So, keep reading.
Fifty Shades of Grey versus BDSM
The Fifty Shades series/book introduced many people to the BDSM way of life. By popularizing BDSM, E. L. James undoubtedly contributed to expanding the discourse on dominance and submission. But how helpful is this when the range of topics within the Fifty Shades trilogy has been a source of controversy and debate?
In the first film of the trilogy, the protagonist, 22 years old virgin, Anastasia Steele, falls for a man known as a dominant and controlling sadist, Christian Grey. He gives Ana a laptop, instructing her to research BDSM with it, which she does. After meeting on a date, the couple engages in a mutually beneficial relationship. Of course, they both have needs that, according to Grey, should be fulfilled through BDSM. But is BDSM that simple? While many people are asking whether or not BDSM is that simple, some are questioning the legitimacy of BDSM as an alternative lifestyle.
In actuality, BDSM encompasses a variety of actions and methods. The type of dynamic and the unique preferences of the parties involved determine how the partnership operates. No two BDSM relationships are identical. Ana and Christian’s relationship has drawn scrutiny for various factors, but for the time being, let’s begin with what Fifty Shades of Grey didn’t get right about BDSM.
What didn’t Fifty Shades of Grey get right about BDSM?
- Fifty shades of Grey portray dominants as emotionless and cold. A consensual play between two people who have complete and utter faith in one another is what BDSM is all about. However, according to the series/book, Christian (the dominant) is given the impression of being somewhat emotionless and cold, which is statistically untrue for a healthy BDSM culture.
It can be detrimental when a section of the BDSM world is represented as a whole. There are very few instances where Christian feels something for Ana truly; blame poor writing or the actor’s choice of how to portray the character.
- In BDSM, consent must be explicit, not implied. Accordingly, consent can be withdrawn or mediated at any given time. Therefore, when your right to say no is not respected or heard, it escalates into violence. A submissive has the right to refuse sex anytime, which was not the case with Ana and Christian. It’s completely normal and in a healthy BDSM relationship to discuss soft and hard limits in front. Engaging in sexual activity with which you are uncomfortable to keep your partner, is not healthy BDSM, as portrayed in Fifty Shades of Grey.
- In healthy BDSM play, staying safe is paramount—even when causing or experiencing pain. And everything needs to be agreed upon. In contrast, Ana frequently consents to things in Fifty Shades of Grey just to please her partner. She agrees because he wants to hurt her, not because she wants to put up with it. This encourages a distorted understanding of what BDSM is, leading an uneducated audience to believe that it’s healthy to push one’s own boundaries beyond what one enjoys to fulfill one’s partner’s desires. When mainstream viewers who are unfamiliar with BDSM plays start to believe that suffering and violence don’t have to be consented to on both sides, a dangerous precedent is set.
- Another factor E. L. Jame’s fifty shades of Grey didn’t get right about BDSM is the portrayal of Abuse or PTSD as a form of appreciating BDSM. The assumption that being abused or having PTSD will enable you to enjoy BDSM might have caused you to leave the theater or put down your book if you were unfamiliar with the BDSM lifestyle. Given Christian’s horrible childhood, it is understandable why he would want to cause harm (the notion that if pain were inflicted upon you, you would experience a sexual release by inflicting it upon others). This line of thinking is dangerous and untrue. The books strongly assume that Christian’s ‘adult turns to BDSM because of the abuse he experienced as a child. Drawing a connection between abuse and BDSM is entirely off-base, and frequently, this leads to the most criticism or backlash for members of the BDSM community. It is problematic, to say the least, to present this kind of deranged fascination with pain that results from unhealthy abuse.
- The room where Christian and Ana often have sex (the Red Room) is a bit over the top. In this case, the BDSM couples are portrayed as high-maintenance individuals with entire rooms in their home devoted to sex, like Christian’s red room, where they congregate to play. Yes, Christian is a wealthy man. If every couple had this kind of money, they might want a lavish place just for their sexual needs. But in reality, this is just a blown-up portrayal that feeds the myth of high-maintenance lovers with walls full of toys and gear. It’s acceptable to keep toys, bondage supplies, and other amusing items in the same drawer as your underwear, just like other couples do, even though some BDSM couples prefer to have a separate area.
- In Jame’s 50 shades of Grey, physical, mental, sexual, and emotional abuse and violence against intimate partners are all possible. The book’s plot revolves around this cycle. An abuser shows affection to their partner during the honeymoon period as a form of restitution. Christian frequently praises Anastasia in this book after coercing her into an inappropriate sexual encounter. This behavior, once again, won’t happen in a BDSM relationship that is based on mutual and consensual agreements.
- Consent, communication, negotiation, and aftercare are all essential aspects of a healthy BDSM relationship. Communication is often followed by agreement, then a scene or play, then aftercare, and finally, debriefing in the BDSM cycle. This crucial cycle is absent from Fifty Shades of Grey. Instead, Christian is a seasoned, narcissistic millionaire who stalks and threatens Ana, who is innocent and inexperienced, to get what he wants. No submissive should be terrified of being beaten by their angry partner if they do the “wrong thing” in a healthy, consensual BDSM relationship. Contrary to Ana, submissives are not required to consent to sex; they are averse to receiving information or gifts. If you say yes out of fear for their reaction, you decline; that is NOT consent. If you believe that if you say no, you will have to negotiate and vehemently argue your case, then your agreement is not your consent. BDSM relationships are very common nowadays, continue to this article to learn more!
- In a healthy BDSM relationship, control is not abuse. Christian wants to control what Ana does, including what she wears, what she eats, how much medicine the doctor gives her, whom she sees, how long she sleeps at night, and whether or not she drinks or uses drugs. Christian snoops on her phone to locate her using his manipulative all-or-nothing approach. Christian pressures Ana into feeling reliant on him by purchasing her expensive gifts. These characterize abusive relationships way different from healthy BDSM relationships.
Is there anything the ‘Fifty Shades trilogy got right about BDSM?
Yes! BDSM is often misunderstood, and the Fifty Shades trilogy addressed some of these misconceptions, such as how to be dominant and submissive in a relationship.
Even the Fifty Shades trilogy oversimplifies BDSM, which may lead to confusion for those just starting to explore this type of sexual exploration. But overall, the book opens the floor for the discussion of what BDSM is and how it can be beneficial for people who are looking for something different in their intimate relationships.
For a wider overview, check out our review of the whole 50 Shades Trilogy.
What Do the BDSM Community Members Think About the Movie?
Members of the BDSM community are divided about Fifty Shades of Grey. Some, like E. L. James, believe it to be a step forward for BDSM in mainstream culture; others believe it damages the BDSM community.
Some members argue that E. L. James was either not knowledgeable enough or did not have the necessary experience to write this book with such detail. This can be attributed to the fact that James never took any classes or workshops on BDSM during her lifetime and had never engaged in sexual activities with a partner outside of her marriage before Christian Grey entered her life.
Others argue that Fifty Shades of Grey has done more than help spread awareness of BDSM; they feel it has helped bring the lifestyle into a more popular light and made people feel more comfortable exploring the subculture themselves. Yet, some members argue that Fifty Shades of Grey has hurt the community by making many people think they should act out their fantasies with someone they are not emotionally invested in and/or normalizing sexual violence against women as normal behavior.
Final thoughts
In Fifty Shades of Grey, the main character, Anastasia Steele, and Christian Grey have a relationship that is anything but consensual. As a result, the book is often criticized for being extremely abusive and controlling.
Fifty Shades of Grey is classified as erotica, while BDSM is categorized as erotic literature; because they both deal with love and relationships -but they are vastly different regarding how they do so. For example, BDSM involves methods such as bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism—all things that Fifty Shades does not include in its plotline per se.
In the first two books of the Fifty Shades trilogy, BDSM is portrayed as a world of pleasure and pain where submissives give up control to their dominance. In reality, this is not how BDSM works. Consent is key in any relationship, and BDSM is no different. To build a healthy and happy relationship, consent must be given and respected by both parties. The emotional bond between the partners, especially when engaging in Dominant/Submissive, is what I believe Fifty Shades of Grey lacks, and it is a huge disconnect. In BDSM relationships, love and affection are crucial components, which are missing in Fifty Shades.
Whether you binge-read the 50 Shades of Grey books or participated in the sizable online community dedicated to making fun of the series; the point remains the same: the Fifty Shades of Grey did bring attention to a topic that needs to be more openly discussed and accepted. But, unfortunately, it was just done in a way that some of the most crucial aspects of BDSM life are glossed over or ignored entirely.
Did the article arouse your curiosity? You haven’t seen 50 Shades yet, or want to see it again with your new knowledge, then go directly to the trilogy bundle here.