The dating world has always been tricky. Finding someone who shares your interests can be tough. A dating app can be a great way to narrow down the search and find someone that you are compatible with. Generally, with regards to BDSM, these apps can be divided into two categories: those focused on serving the BDSM community and those looking for more conventional vanilla relationships. But what makes these apps and their approach to dating so different?
BDSM dating apps are more open to discussing and embracing fetish play and kinks like ethical non-monogamy. Those on more vanilla sites can reject those types lifestyles and sex. However, vanilla sites tend to have a higher user base, making it easier to find matches.
There are dozens of dating apps out there, each promising that you will find your perfect match. But the experience you will have on a BDSM is different from the one on a more vanilla app. Keep reading to better understand which type of app is best for you.
Biggest Differences Between BDSM Dating Apps And Vanilla Apps
Since they cater to very different audiences, the experience of using a vanilla app will differ from a BDSM app. Here’s what you can expect:
- Discuss your kinks. BDSM apps make it easier to talk about your kink preferences. You are able to list them in your profile, so you can find potential partners who are interested in the same things that you are. Often, there is a long list of kinks that you can add to your profile. Vanilla dating apps aren’t as open about these relationship aspects, probably requiring you to discuss this later during dating with a potential partner. If you want some advice on how to talk about your kinks and find someone on the same page, consider this book about kinky dating.
- Signing up as a couple. Many vanilla dating apps require individuals to sign up. BDSM apps, though, are more open to couples looking for those to participate in a threesome, with some apps designed specifically for those engaged in ethical monogamy.
- More open to the queer community. The BDSM movement tends to be more open to sexual exploration and embrace a wider range of gender identities, while vanilla apps tend to be more limited in the type of matches they provide.
- What users are looking for? On mainstream dating apps, most people are interested in pursuing monogamous relationships and are generally not open to alternatives like swinging or threesomes. In contrast, you’ll find a wider range of relationship styles and sexual preferences among users of BDSM-focused apps.
However, there are some similarities. For example, the interfaces will be similar. You will be presented with a list of potential partners, and you can decide whether you want to meet with the person or move on to someone else. There is also the ability to talk to matches, getting to know them better before taking the next steps.
Should You Use Vanilla Apps For BDSM Dating?
It is possible to use vanilla apps to find people who are interested in BDSM dating. Let’s look at some pros and cons of this approach to help you decide if it’s worth the effort:
- Vanilla apps have more users. For comparison, the BDSM app KinkD has 1.9 million users. On the other hand, the vanilla app Tinder is the most popular dating app in the world. It is downloaded 67 million times a year and has 75 million active monthly users. Thanks to the higher user base, it will be easier for you to find a match.On BDSM apps, you might need to overcome the issue of fewer possible matches by expanding your search and finding someone within traveling distance. While you might not be able to hook up each night, you can still have a rewarding sex life. This resource can help you learn more about creating a passionate long-distance BDSM relationship.
- Kink apps make it easier to talk about BDSM. When you go through a vanilla dating app, your matches might not be expecting you to be into BDSM. This is especially common for heavier kink play. This can lead to awkward conversations or an outright rejection of your sexual desires, which can be devastating.
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- Using coded signals. If you are on a vanilla dating app, you can insert codes into your profile. For example, you might want to use a unicorn picture to show that you are open to swinging. It’s also best to be upfront about your kinks shortly after matching with someone. This allows you to unmatch and move on quickly if things aren’t going to work out.
Though you will have a smaller pool of matches to choose from, it’s best to use a BDSM dating app, if BDSM is important for you. It will be far easier to find someone who wants to try kink play and will be open-minded to experiment. This is especially vital when you want to delve into heavier kinks. Plus, you won’t need to risk rejection by a potential partner who might kink-shame you.
Sometimes, this can be your first foray into the dating world for a while, and you are unsure about sharing your kinks in such a public way. Though it can be daunting, it’s worth the effort. Embracing kink play can help you build trust in your relationship and create a loving bond. If you want to learn more, check out this article about how BDSM play affects your relationships.
Top 5 Examples Of BDSM Dating Apps
Though there are plenty of BDSM dating apps you can try, these are the most prominent examples:
- KinkD. This is one of the most popular kinky dating apps, which features the swiping functions that have made Tinder so popular.
- Feeld. This app is designed to cater to those who are in a non-monogamous relationship.
- Fantasy. This is also good for ethical monogamy, with a huge range of kinks for you to choose from. Even better, it’s free.
- Kinky Zoo. This community is known for its openness and ability to accept a wide range of kinks.
- KNKI. KNKI functions closer to a social media app than a traditional dating app. You can create your own profile, find friends, and share pictures.
Top 5 Examples Of Vanilla Dating Apps
Here are some examples of the type of vanilla dating apps available so you know what to expect from each platform:
- Tinder. This is one of the most popular dating apps in the world. It’s known for its simple dynamics. See someone you like, swipe right. See someone you don’t like, swipe left. This allows people to sort through a lot of matches quickly. It’s also earned a reputation as being used for quick hook-ups.
- eHarmony. This site will require you to fill out a personality quiz to help you find someone that you are emotionally compatible with.
- Elite Singles. This app touts a more intelligent matchmaking approach, which aims to help you find a deeper connection. It’s best if you are looking for a lifelong partner rather than a quick fling.
- Bumble. This puts the power in the female’s hands. Women need to message first, and the man has 24 hours to respond to their messages.
- OkCupid. This requires you to fill out a long survey form. Then, you’ll get a score that tells you how compatible you are with your matches.
Final Thoughts
The good news is that there are dozens of apps to make dating easier. But, with so many options available, it can be difficult to know where you should focus your attention. It’s a good idea to play around with a mix of BDSM apps to find what works for you.
