We’ve all been there. You’ve spent the night out on the town, enjoying your favorite club with your friends, dancing, and drinking until late at night. The good times lingered, and when you finally stumbled home, you welcomed the restful sleep that arrived just as abruptly as the hangover that followed.
The possible next-day fatigue after a wild night out is similar to a “subdrop” after a BDSM scene.
Subdrop is a physiological response to a sudden decrease in endorphin levels after intense BDSM-related activity. It is caused by the body’s natural dependency on these endorphins and the consequent crash upon their sudden departure, triggering feelings of anxiety, sadness, and physical tiredness.
This blog post will discuss the “subdrop” phenomenon, how it manifests in the mind and body, and the best ways to handle it. We’ll delve into the specifics of the aftercare because it’s essential to remain mindful of your body and mental health – especially during post-BDSM scenes.
So, if you’ve ever found yourself wanting more answers about this curious and all-too-familiar sensation, join us as we take a closer look at subdrop and the BDSM aftermath.
What is Subdrop?
After participating in a BDSM scene, our bodies release an array of hormones such as endorphins, adrenaline, cortisol, and endocannabinoids. This leads to a feeling of euphoria and physical relaxation. But when these hormone levels start to drop, it’s known as a subdrop.
Subdrop is a period when we reconnect with reality and re-acclimate to our roles outside of BDSM play. It’s caused by a plunge in hormone levels after BDSM activities, and our body must work hard to regain equilibrium.
Everyone experiences subdrop differently, and it’s important to remember that the low feelings are only temporary, and your body will soon return to its natural equilibrium.
How Likely Is Subdrop?
Subdrop is something that many BDSM players will experience at some point, even if they try to avoid it. It’s the sensation of a “crash” after the ethereal, emotional high that comes with a BDSM playground. And it’s individual, with everyone’s experience differing based on their unique journey. Generally, the more intense the scene was, and the more connected the sub was to their Dom, the more intense the subdrop could be.
Sometimes, these feelings surface unexpectedly. For example, you might feel more emotional than usual and struggle to shake off a sense of being down. It can be unnerving, as it isn’t familiar to many people.
Some people might even chalk up this feeling to a one-off occasion. But it is common for subdrop to happen multiple times throughout one’s BDSM experience. It’s an essential part of the post-play period, as the body and mind process what has happened and take time to adjust.
What Does Subdrop Feel Like?
Subdrop is an unpleasant and sometimes terrifying experience. It can affect your mind and body, making for an emotionally raw and physically low experience.
On the mental side, people report feeling a sense of inadequacy, insecurity, despair, and irritability. Anxiety, depression, and a general feeling of being out of control often accompany these. Subdrop can also be accompanied by guilt, shame, and regret, especially if the BDSM play was particularly intense or took an unexpected turn.
When experiencing subdrop, it can also be challenging to think clearly and make decisions. Intense emotions can interfere with the brain’s process of taking stock of events and communicating your needs.
On the physical side, you may feel fatigued, exhausted, aches, pains, and even a chill during subdrop. Physical symptoms can vary from person to person, but emotional symptoms are generally similar.
Generally, subdrop occurs directly after the subspace experience. It can last anywhere between several hours and several days, depending on the intensity of the play and how long the body takes to restore the initially distorted hormones to equilibrium.
What Causes Subdrop?
Subdrop can be attributed to a sudden drop in levels of endorphins and adrenaline, which were released during your subspace experience (subspace – learn more here). When the pleasant impact of these hormones during a scene or period of intense BDSM play dissipates, you’re left feeling disoriented, sad, and overwhelmed.
It is important to recognize that it can affect every individual differently, as no two people respond similarly to the intense emotions brought on by BDSM. Some will experience subdrop as a result of the inevitable downturn that follows any peak of emotion, while others may feel overwhelmed by the intensity of their emotions or the sudden sense of isolation (the feeling of loneliness and disconnectedness one experiences after a scene ends).
But despite the intensity and variation of this low, it is essential to understand it’s the natural response of your hormones and body to the end of your session, and it does not reflect on the experience itself. Taking moments to reflect on the experience and ground yourself as part of aftercare can also help you manage the subdrop.
How to Deal with Subdrop (10 Quick Fixes)
As mentioned earlier, subdrop can be a challenging and complex experience for subs, and it’s essential to learn how to understand and manage it. With that said, here’s how to deal with subdrop.
First, identify what you’re dealing with. Subdrop shows up differently for each individual. So, the best way to start is by reflecting and determining how you’re feeling and why.
Next, embrace the experience. It can be challenging, but embracing the experience can allow you to learn about your emotions, feelings, and reactions to what you’ve gone through in your BDSM play.
Finally, depending on the type of subdrop symptoms you’re dealing with, consider these quick remedies to help you recover, revitalize, and move forward:
1. If you’re feeling lonely, have your partner cuddle or hug and debrief you (aftercare). Their reassuring voice may be what you need.
2. Keep warm if you’re feeling cold, snuggling up with a blanket.
3. If you’re feeling sad and unmotivated, watch your favorite movie or enjoy your favorite jams. You could also light your scented candles for an even more calming atmosphere.
4. Take a bath and massage, followed by a nap if you feel exhausted and fatigued.
5. If you’re feeling de-energized, get your favorite replenishing drink or have a sugary snack.
6. Focus on your breathing and meditation if your mind keeps wandering.
7. Take some time off where you can ignore most of your rules to help if you feel overwhelmed. Talk to your partner to figure out what you need.
8. Go for a walk, practice yoga, or draw/paint if you feel anxious.
9. Do something creative or join an online BDSM session if you feel disconnected.
10. Make a list of positive things if you’re frustrated and annoyed. Such as things you’ve accomplished in your previous scene or things you’re grateful for in your D/s relationship.
IMPORTANT:
As a Dom, part of your role is to be consistently understanding and supportive of your sub when they may be going through subdrop.
For the submissive, one of the most effective ways to cope with subdrop is to foster a trusting and secure relationship with their Dom. Trusting your Dom to understand your feelings and provide the love and guidance you need is critical. You must also practice self-care, like engaging in activities you enjoy or talking to someone you can trust if you feel overwhelmed or confused.
Although subdrop can be difficult, there are effective ways to manage it. By considering the needs and feelings of the Dom and sub, as well as utilizing safe coping strategies, you can create a smooth subdrop experience.
FAQs
Is subdrop real?
Yes, subdrop is an undeniably real phenomenon that can occur following consenting BDSM play. However, it is not dependent on the level of trust between scene partners and can be just as intense when you are playing with someone you know and trust. Therefore, it is wise to be aware of the potential for subdrop and have plans in place to mitigate its effects.
How long does subdrop last?
Subdrop is a natural part of engaging in BDSM play and a very individual experience. For some people, subdrop may only last a few minutes, and some may experience more prolonged reactions lasting a few hours. However, if the experience was incredibly intense, you would notice your subdrop symptoms may even last for over a few days.
Can subdrop happen mid-scene?
In scenarios where a scene may be abruptly or unexpectedly stopped, the sudden mental and emotional state shift can be instantaneous and pretty jarring for the bottom. It is best to have a plan in place to safely and gradually finish the scene to minimize the likelihood of subdrop mid-scene; however, at times, this is not always possible, leaving the bottom vulnerable to subdrop in the middle of a scene.
Can you get a subdrop if you are away from your partner?
Yes, it is possible to experience subdrop even when you and your partner are not in the same physical space. This is often referred to as a “long-distance subdrop.”
Long-distance subdrop occurs when a partner disconnects suddenly after a virtual play session or relationship. The sudden absence of emotional connections and reduced availability of physical and mental support can result in feelings of low mood, anxiety, and confusion. Typical physical symptoms of subdrop, such as temporary fatigue, or an overwhelming feeling of exhaustion, can accompany these feelings.
Recognizing the signs of subdrop is essential, so you can take steps to reduce its impact. For example, you can speak to your partner following the experience, practice good self-care, engage in comforting activities, or engage in a BDSM community for support.
Does Drop happen to Doms and Tops?
Drop can occur in both Dominant and Tops after a BDSM session, just as in Submissives and Bottoms. Even though the Top is usually in control during the session, their emotions and feelings can become overwhelming afterward. This can manifest as various symptoms, such as physical fatigue and mental exhaustion.
To ensure that the participants in BDSM play are having a safe and enjoyable time, it is crucial for both Doms and subs to practice aftercare to cool down from the powerful BDSM session. This will help both of you to cherish the pleasurable moments of the session and your relationship while also allowing you to manage your feelings.
What is a Drop kit, and what should it include?
A Drop kit is a collection of items used to counter the effects of a sub or top drop. It should include items meant to help you relax, like bath bombs and massage oil, as well as things that can help you have fun, like movies, music, snacks, and beverages. The drop kit could also include cozy items like scented candles, a throw blanket, warm socks, and other things that can help you relax and refocus.
The Bottom Line
In conclusion, subdrop is a very real, often overlooked phenomenon that can feel overwhelming, especially when it happens for the first time. Therefore, it is vital to remain aware of the possibility of experiencing subdrop and have plans in place to address any symptoms or feelings of sadness, depression, and fatigue which may arise.
A drop kit can be beneficial in helping to ease the transition back to everyday life. Finally, yes, both subs and Doms and Tops experience subdrop, and it can even happen mid-scene and in long-distance BDSM plays, so always have a plan in hand.
So, there you have it! Subdrop can be a powerful force in BDSM relationships, but having a plan, openness, and understanding with your partner can help make for a smoother transition and provide an unexpected benefit to the relationship.
If you have yet to explore the realm of BDSM, check out this guide for introducing BDSM to your partner or this helpful introduction to the BDSM lifestyle.