Relationships are complex and require a lot of time and effort. We often hit a point in our romantic relationships where we think that things, including sex life, have become quite monotonous and boring. There are many ways to spice things up in relationships, and one such way is BDSM which has many known health benefits, but is it actually good for relationships?
Here is a quick answer:
Careful BDSM is very good for relationships as it builds a foundation of trust among partners, which is the core of any healthy relationship. BDSM is generally considered good for relationships, and as claimed by Dr. Stephanie Hunter, a certified sex therapist, BDSM can revive relationships and heal damaged ones.
However, you need to be careful about doing BDSM the appropriate way. You should also consider the repercussions of doing so while engaging in something that could potentially entail hurting your partner.
Are you also curious to know if incorporating BDSM into your relationship will spice it up even more? Well, let’s find out how BDSM can be good for relationships.
5 Reasons Why BDSM is Good for Relationships
BDSM is a unique form of sexual expression and can even be a whole lifestyle, and when performed with mutual consent, it can create a great bond among partners.
Below is a detailed explanation of the five reasons BDSM can be good for relationships.
1. BDSM Increases Closeness and Sexual Satisfaction
BDSM is considered taboo, which is one of the many reasons why couples who actively engage in it are sometimes suspected of having unhealthy relationships. This hypothesis is contrary to the research done on BDSM and its association with sexual and relationship satisfaction. Studies have found that BDSM couples even show higher sexual satisfaction.
Exploring BDSM together deepened our trust, resulting in an even deeper connection between us. Performing BDSM activities openly and freely enabled us to get to know each other on a deeper level, leading to greater intimacy. Sexual satisfaction and intimacy lay a foundation for a healthy relationship, which many couples fail to achieve.
This is true for any other couple also. However, we were also cautious that introducing BDSM would mean inflicting some pain on each other. Therefore, ensuring that everything you plan to do must be performed with mutual consent and respect is essential. In addition, you must be cautious about your partner’s sensitivity towards certain things while engaging in BDSM.
2. BDSM Improves Communication Skills
The paramount of any healthy relationship is letting your partner know your needs and what you need them to do to fulfill them. Unfortunately, communicating just your needs to your partner can be overwhelming for some people, which can often cause conflicts in relationships.
According to Lisa Hochberger, a social worker and sex therapy specialist, couples engaging in BDSM possess heightened sex education and communications skills because they need to plan out safe ways to engage in BDSM, which requires strong negotiating skills, power, communication skills as well as vulnerability.
3. Strengthens Trust
The core of a successful and healthy relationship lies in trusting your partner enough to depend on them under good and especially under dire circumstances. Blind trust is essential for the longevity of any relationship, especially romantic relationships.
Studies done on BDSM practitioners states that BDSM practitioners, because of their effective communication and negotiating skills develop a deeper trust in one another. Even if you don’t look at this from a logical point of view, you will notice that once you decide to introduce BDSM into your relationship and want to do it correctly, it will require you to have an honest conversation with your partner.
Trustworthy and honest conversations pave the way for the development of trust, a word that only has one syllable but can do thousands of wonders for your relationship. However, if you’re not honest with your partner about your own needs and wants while performing BDSM, it can make you feel uncared for and, over time, break your trust. So, the key here is to be as honest as possible, and the trust will come along automatically.
4. BDSM and Fidelity
As discussed previously, healthy BDSM relationships strengthen trust, which ultimately paves the way for relationships to strive and hassle through everyday struggles. Because of the trust element that comes from engaging in BDSM, Dr. Jeffery Sumber, a physiotherapist, believes that people who are part of BDSM and take it seriously are seldom interested in sabotaging the trust, which is required for BDSM’s success, a trust which took a while to develop.
Therefore, spicing your relationship up through BDSM not only ensures a healthy relationship but might also guarantee you a relationship that will last for a lifetime, something that we can only dream of in this cruel and disloyal world.
BDSM doesn’t ensure fidelity, but it can make the chances of infidelity very low. However, if you only introduce BDSM into your relationships just so your partner stays loyal to you and not because you genuinely want to do it, then there is no advantage to it. Make sure that both you and your partner want it and are not just doing it to save an unhappy relationship.
5. BDSM Reduces Anxiety
Science proves that BDSM reduces anxiety. A 2013 Study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that couples who engage in BDSM are less neurotic and more sensitive. The study also found that couples who are part of BDSM relationships comparatively feel more secure in their relationships than those who prefer “vanilla” sex.
Studies have found that couples participating in BDSM show reduced stress levels and increased mindfulness. BDSM makes couples hyper-aware of each other’s presence and helps them stay in the moment. Hence, couples engaging in BDSM are less anxious and thus have healthier relationships.
Final Thoughts
While BDSM indeed is a great way to spice things up in bed, keep in mind that it can turn otherwise if performed incorrectly or without considering your partner’s needs and wants. However, if performed with mutual consent (which is an absolute MUST) and correctly, BDSM will help you improve your relationship.
Communicating and building trust along the way is a great way to achieve a healthy relationship through BDSM. I would also love to hear your thoughts on BDSM and its impact on relationships, so feel free to comment.