Your Complete Guide to Dom Training

Are you looking to learn more about Dom training and improve your Dom skills? The great news is that you can learn and improve your skills as a top. Over the years, I’ve learned and gotten extraordinary with my dominant skills through various Dom training.

Dom training enables you to perfect your skills and become the master that your sub desires. Incorporating communication, understanding, kindness, and empathy in your training can help you become a perfect Dom. Knowing that a top (a person who dominates during BDSM play) is not manipulative or aggressive is a great way to kick-start your training.

Fortunately, you do not have to worry about figuring out what to do to be a great Dominant. In this article, I will go through the many aspects of Dom training, including the tips to be a great Dom and the do’s and don’ts of Dom training. So, let’s dive right in!

What Is a Dom?

In consensual BDSM play, there are two parties. One is a sub, short for “submissive,” and the other is a Dom, which is the abbreviation for “Dominant.” 

The dominant partner controls the submissive partner and is usually considered the more aggressive partner in consensual BDSM play.

A sex expert at LetsTalkSex.net, Katherine Winnick, defines a dominant person in BDSM as someone who likes taking command. 

You might think the Dom controls the whole play, but this is not always the case. At the same time, there are people with Dom kinks in healthy relationships who often only fulfill the wishes of their sub. So, they are serving to satisfy their submissive partner’s desires.

A dominant person could derive sexual satisfaction by controlling their partner’s climax. They control their sub’s climax through forced orgasms, ruined orgasms, or orgasm denials. 

The dominant person acts as a master of their sub. It’s quite a lot of power play. Some subs purposely act as brats, and the Doms “punish” them. Doms also control their sub by taking care of them. They like to spoil their sub to get the reward for themselves later. 

A dominant person might also like activities such as using sex toys on their submissive partner or queening on their partner. In addition, dominants often spit on their submissive partners to show them who has control. To find out what kind of toys and tools you could use, see our detailed blog on BDSM gear and equipment here. 

3 Myths About Dom Training

While Dom training requires you to know what a Dom is and how you can become one, it also emphasizes how not to be an evil Dom. 

There are many myths about how a Doms should be, and we will bust all of them so that your Dom training is on point.

1. Dom is a Forcer

The major misconception of people outside the BDSM community or fresh practitioners is that dominating your submissive partner means forcing them to do whatever you want. 

Disclaimer alert: never do that! 

In reality, all the play you will perform with your sub needs to be absolutely consensual and often pre-planned, or at least within the before-agreed limits. For hard and soft limitations, see more details in our blog here. 

2. Doms Are Emotionally Insensitive

Doms are anything but insensitive. To be an excellent Dom, one must understand the value of trust and confidence your sub is putting on you. 

Dominant partners need to assure the safety of their sub, and they must act as emotionally responsible individuals rather than insensitive people nobody likes.

3. Doms Ignore Safe Words

A big NO! Doms always ensure their partner’s safety and never act like their partner will be okay with every stunt they put on them. 

If you are training to be a good Dom, you must realize that the core of Dom training lies in ensuring your sub’s safety and allowing them to trust you enough to let you control them.

So, never ignore your subs’ safe words, and always make them feel comfortable.

Types of Dom

If you are training to be a Dom, you need to decide which type of Dom you want to be. You need to self-reflect on your behavior to find what kind of a Dom you are. 

Once you figure out the kind of Dom you are, you need to communicate that to your sub because they might like something else. 

Besides figuring out your dominant personality type, you also need to find out if you’d always like to be the dominant person in your relationship or just during a play scene. 

Note that there can be more than one dominant personality in a single individual depending on your sub-partner, the play scenes, and just what kind of a person you are. After all this self-reflection, communicate everything to your submissive partner to avoid future conflict.

Given below are the kinds of Dom you must know.

Daddy Dom

Daddy Doms are like fathers. They enjoy caring for someone like their fathers. They like to control their sub by being a fatherly figure for them. 

They treat their sub (who are consenting adults and not actual little kids) as someone who is a little kid (little girl) and needs their daddy to look after them. 

The Daddy and little girl dynamics are often known as Daddy Dom Little Girl (DDLG) or Caregiver Little Girl (CLG).

Daddy Dom fulfills the needs of their little girl, and in return, Little Girl obeys Daddy Dom’s commands. So, this is a symbiotic relationship between two consenting adults. 

The Little Girl calls Daddy Dom as “Daddy” and always asks for their permission. Good Daddy Dom traits include caring, nurturing, strict, supportive, and being a good listener.

Some common phrases used by a Daddy Dom are:

1. Be a good girl!
2. I am proud of you!
3. Do you need a spanking?
4. Let me touch your princess parts.
5. Behave!
6. Don’t worry. I will make it all better.

Sadist Dom

A sadist Dom inflicts pain on their partner, called a masochist. Sadists like inflicting pain upon their partner, e.g., teeth grinding, hair pulling, biting, and scratching. 

They get their sexual pleasure by humiliating and paining their partner. They are interested in bondage, spanking, flogging, whipping, and more (read what sadists like in bed here).

Master Dom

A Master Dom is someone who treats their sub as their property. They treat their sub like a slave, and the sub is responsible for doing household chores, cooking, pleasing their master, and many other duties. 

The sub might also engage in slave training to learn what their master enjoys and how to please them.

Owner Dom

An owner Dom treats their submissive partner like a pet. The sub enjoys being treated like a pet under the owner’s Dom ownership. 

The owner Dom gives their sub food in a bowl, keeps them in a cage, and makes them wear a collar during pet play.

Caregiver/Romantic Dom

Such Dominants are like Daddy Doms. They like nurturing their subs and giving advice like what career they should have and what they should eat and wear.

Financial Dom

They control the finances of their submissive playmate. The submissive partner gives their money, and thus financial control, to their Dominant partner, usually without exchanging sexual services.

Rigger Dom

A Rigger Dom likes to rope their partner so they can restrain their movement while they both are engaged in BDSM.

Choosing what kind of a Dom you want to become is your preference and sometimes requires discovering your kinks.

The Do’s of Dom Training

Training to be a dominant can be daunting at first, but with practice and passion for being a good Dom, you can become one your sub would like. 

Here are some of the do’s you need to incorporate in your Dom training to rock your sub like Freddie Mercury.

1. First comes the language

BDSM has a different lingo; if you don’t know that language, your chances of becoming a good Dom are less. So learn the language while working hard in your Dom training. 

Here are some phrases/words that you must learn as part of your Dom training:

• D/s: Dominant/submissive
• Safe, Sane, and Consensual: These three words highlight the core principles of engaging in BDSM activities.
• BDSM: Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submissive, Sadism and Masochism.
• GGG: This term was suggested by Dan Savage, a sex-advice columnist, a podcaster, and an author. It means that BDSM practitioners should be good in bed, giving equal time and pleasure, and should be open to gaming (open-minded)
• Switch: A person might like to be a Dom in one situation and sub in others. For instance, you might enjoy being submissive around a Dominant person and Dominant around someone who themselves are submissive.
• Munch: It means a meeting of people who are interested in practicing BDSM or are already doing it. In such gatherings, people are openly talking about BDSM without engaging in it while they are in the meeting.
• Boundary: It means setting a limit that the Dom and Sub would never cross as it might be something that would endanger the sub’s life or something that the sub would be uncomfortable doing.
• Hard limit: something which the sub never wants to do. For example, needle play, blood, scat, etc.
• Soft Limit: Something which the sub is hesitant to do but might agree to do under certain circumstances.
• Safeword: It is used when the hard limit is crossed during BDSM play, and there is a need to stop the play immediately. Traffic light signals are often used as a safeword. Green means everything is fine. Orange means there is a need to check in as the limit is approaching. Red means everything needs to stop right now. 

2. Remember the Basics

BDSM can be dangerous. Therefore, to overcome these dangers, there are some basic principles you need to learn as part of your Dom training to ensure safety at all times. 

R.A.C.K: is an abbreviation for Risk Aware Consensual Kink. R.A.C.K. ensures that the submissive understands the risks of agreeing to potentially dangerous BDSM techniques like choking, beating, and flogging and provides sound consent to participate in these activities. Of course, as a good Dom, you must ensure all that. 

Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC): These three words highlight the core principles of engaging in BDSM activities. SSC encourages BDSM practitioners to look for safer options. Some of the practices allowed under R.A.C.K. might not be permitted in SSC. Therefore, as a Dom beginner, you should follow the SSC philosophy. 

3. Understand your Sub

An essential part of any training is understanding the core requirements you are expected to deliver, as with Dom training. You can only be a good Dom if you consciously realize what your sub needs from you.

Some people are born a bit submissive and need someone to guide them in life and bed. That is what you, as a Dom, need to understand. Make an active effort to try and understand why your partner wants to be submissive and dominated. 

As a good Dom, you should try to make your sub discover their sexual power. The submissive person has their own identity and hidden desires. As a Dom, your primary responsibility is to help them unleash those desires and provide them with a nurturing environment where they feel comfortable sharing those desires with their Dom. 

4. Be A Proud Dom

Apart from understanding your sub, you also need to realize that you want a sexual relationship based on power imbalance. It can be challenging to accept that you wish to be Dominant. 

However, your Dom training won’t be as effective without overcoming your fear of being judged by society, 

5. Develop Dom Traits

Being a good Dom requires curiosity about what excites you and your sub the most. You must be kind; aggressiveness is a big no-no of Dominant behavior. Be friendly and humble, so your sub can rely on you for understanding and empathy.

You need to be consistent with your behavior, so your sub can trust you blindly. Also, be decisive. Nobody wants a Dom who has no idea what to do in bed and where to go for dinner.

6. Develop Good Communication Skills

Being a well-trained Dom doesn’t only mean ordering your sub to do what you like; it also means communicating with them honestly and nicely about your own needs and listening to them. 

Avoid judging your sub and set aside some time to communicate with them honestly regularly. 

The Don’ts of Dom Training

Many Dominants need to correct the following common mistakes. Let’s have a look at what you don’t need to do while training to be a better Dom:

1. Never shout or raise your voice at your sub. As a good Dom, you should be in control of your emotions. A shouter is everything that a Dominant shouldn’t be.
2. Don’t overdo stuff. You cannot be perfect all the time. Minor mistakes will happen; acknowledge them and try to improve upon them.
3. Do not be serious all the time. I know that Doms have to be intense, but if you are a fun-loving person, build up on that and have fun with your sub.
4. Don’t do it if you are uncomfortable inflicting pain, leathering, or beating. You don’t have to do everything to be a good Dominant. Discuss what you both like and build up your chemistry accordingly.
5. Never force your sub to do something they are not comfortable doing. You must be very vigilant about your subs’ comfort to be a good Dom.
6. Demanding submission right away is one of the most common mistakes Doms make. If you are an excellent Dom, the sub will submit themselves to you automatically. Instead of demanding submission, try to earn it.

Final Words on Dom Training

Training to be a good Dom requires time, effort, and a lot of passion. The things you must focus on while your Dom training is improving communication skills, understanding your sub, and learning to be kind and empathetic. Dominants are not aggressors or manipulators. As a good Dom, you must acknowledge that Doms do not urge their sub to do whatever they want.

Understanding your power and owning it like a badass can go a long way in your role as a Dominant. Learn not to avoid your subs’ needs and consent. Investing proper time and deliberation into your Dom training will help you achieve the status of a good Dom.