BDSM – it’s a topic that seems to be gaining more and more popularity in recent years. Whether it’s through popular books like Fifty Shades of Grey or TV shows like Game of Thrones, people are becoming more and more interested in this type of sexual activity.
But who is interested in BDSM? And what drives people to be interested in it?
Who Likes BDSM?
People of all genders, sexual orientations, and backgrounds can enjoy BDSM. However, research suggests that BDSM is more prevalent in women, heterosexuals, and young people 25 to 42 years old. People like BDSM primarily because it provides a safe, consensual environment for exploring their deepest and darkest desires in a safe and consensual way.
In this post, I’ll give you some insight into the minds of those who like to get a little kinky, and also bust some myths about who does and doesn’t enjoy this kind of sexual play. At the end of this post, you’ll have a better understanding of the different types of people who like BDSM, and why they enjoy it.
Who Practices BDSM? An Overview
BDSM is a popular kink and fetish lifestyle that is often misunderstood by the mainstream. This sexual practice involves Bondage, Discipline (domination), Sadism (submission), and Masochism. There are three main types of BDSM practitioners: dominant, submissive, and switcher.
Dominant practitioners are individuals who enjoy taking on the role of eliciting various sexual responses from their partners. Submissive practitioners enjoy giving up control. Switchers enjoy both dominant and submissive roles.
Prevalence
Though the BDSM community is often misunderstood, studies show that BDSM is actually quite popular. This study about the prevalence of BDSM in Finland shows that 38% of the sample population investigated was interested in BDSM sex.
A Belgian survey about the prevalence of BDSM published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2017 indicates that there is a high level of interest in BDSM in the country. 46.8% of the total sample of 1027 people had ever engaged in at least one BDSM-related activity. 22% reported having had fantasies about it. Of the total population, 12.5% of the total reported engaging in at least one BDSM-related activity regularly, and 7.6% identified themselves as BDSM practitioners.
Another study conducted by University Padua Italy with the aim to explore personal meanings related to sexuality in people who blog and write in forums about their own experience with BDSM shows that of the 343 people interviewed, 50 (24 women, 26 men) claimed to practice or to have practiced BDSM. Given all these studies, science backs up that BDSM is more prevalent and common than we thought, and that it is practiced by many people.
Gender, Age, and Sexual Orientations
People who practice BDSM are quite diverse: people of all ages, genders, sexual orientations, and backgrounds can enjoy BDSM. Most research studies have identified BDSM practitioners as primarily female and heterosexual. The most common age group is 25-42 years.
(Sources: https://www.jsm.jsexmed.org/article/S1743-6095(19)30002-5/fulltext
https://www.jsm.jsexmed.org/article/S1743-6095(15)30992-9/fulltext
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34994669/)
Some contrasting studies such as this BDSM investigation show that BDSM and fetish interests are significantly higher in men than in women. The study also indicated that older people (48 to 65 years) have lower BDSM scores than their younger counterparts. Of the participants with a BDSM interest in the same study, 61.4% were aware of it before age 25.
Characteristics
BDSM practitioners are just like regular people, only that they’re more open-minded and accepting of different types of sexual expression.
A comparison study about fundamental psychological characteristics of BDSM practitioners suggested that BDSM practitioners experienced lower neurotic symptoms, were more extroverted and open to new experiences, more conscientious with greater subjective well-being and less sensitive to rejection. BDSM practitioners in another study are reported to be white, learned, and young, with no mental health or relationship issues further showing how diverse BDSM can be.
In terms of the dominance profile of sexual roles, research shows that BDSM practitioners are well distributed across sexual roles. Example from this study:
Dominant- 25.4%
Submissive- 38%
Switch- 36.6%
This suggests that BDSM is not necessarily tied to any particular sexual role or identity and that people of all orientations and preferences can enjoy BDSM activities.
9 Reasons Why People are into BDSM
With BDSM, everyone’s experiences and preferences are individual. However, some commonalities can lead to a preference for BDSM activities. Here are 9 common reasons why people engage in BDSM:
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To explore kinky interests, sexual limits, and boundaries in a safe and consensual way
For most people, the appeal of BDSM lies in the fact that it allows them to explore their dark or taboo desires in a safe and consensual environment. Often, it’s a way to let go of inhibitions and explore the wild side. One’s desire to explore more intense kinks and experience variety is presumably influenced by high sensation-seeking levels and impulsivity.
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History of ‘unusual’ sexual behaviors
A study done to investigate characteristics of people who practice BDSM reports that people who engage in BDSM have been involved in at least one of the following ‘unusual’ sexual behaviors:
- Oral sex or anal sex
- Multiple partners
- Extra marital affair sex
- Group sex
- Visited a sex site
- Watching an X-rated film or video
- Toy sex
- Manual stimulation of the anus
These findings in addition to using vibrators, masks, and blindfolds and engaging in a one-night stand are what a 2005 global sex survey by Durex reported.
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To explore power dynamics
Another theory is that people are into BDSM because they want to explore power dynamics. Think about it: in the vanilla world, we’re used to a certain fixed power dynamic. But in the BDSM world, that power dynamic is shared to enhance arousal. The dominant has the power to elicit various reactions from the submissive who has the power to consensually ‘surrender’ to them. These power dynamics are usually a huge turn-on for people to go into BDSM.
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Anticipation for an intense and satisfying sexual pleasure
BDSM offers a unique and intense sexual experience that is often very satisfying for both partners. The anticipation of the physical sensations of pain and pleasure that can be experienced during BDSM play is very appealing to some people. This investigation about BDSM as a recreational leisure report that the interest in BDSM is connected to the fact that most BDSM-related activities actually meet the leisure criteria.
Elements encompassing leisure criteria in this study include:
- Freedom of self-expression and exploration
- Enjoyment
- Sense of adventure
- Relaxation
- Positive emotions
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To spice up your sex life
To some people, BDSM can be seen as a way to “spice up” their sex life. This is because it can add an element of excitement and adventure to what may otherwise be a more mundane or routine sexual experience. BDSM can also allow people to explore different sides of their sexual personality, which can be a fun and interesting way to add variety to their sex life. If you want to learn more about how to spice up your sex life with BDSM, click here’s a dedicated post on this topic you can check out.
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Desire to improve romantic relationships
BDSM can also be a way to enhance intimacy, improve communication and eventually strengthen the connection. That’s why people who want to build trust and intimacy and feel connected with a partner will often engage in BDSM. The appeal lies in the mental and emotional connection that can be created between partners during BDSM scenes and the pleasure that can be gained from pleasuring a romantic partner.
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To let go of control and surrender to pleasure
Some people engage in BDSM to feel dominated, which can be a turn-on for both partners. For others, it’s about taking on the role of the dominant partner and being in control. These Sub and Dom control dynamics will often boost confidence and self-esteem.
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To relieve stress, tension, and sexual frustration due to past trauma
For people who have experienced trauma, BDSM is a way to work through those experiences. The physical and emotional release that comes from BDSM is very healing for people who have experienced trauma. BDSM practiced as a trauma play can provide an outlet for exploring hidden desires and fantasies in a non-threatening way. For example, someone who has experienced sexual abuse in real life might role-play being ‘sexually abused’ in a BDSM setting. However, the ‘trauma’ in BDSM play is typically less intense and more controlled than the trauma in real life. Discussing those topics upfront with your psychologist or therapist is essential.
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To enhance feelings of corporeality and explore bodily relationships with the world
Lastly, the physical sensation of pain in BDSM appeals to some people as it can be a way to feel more alive or to feel a sense of mastery over their own bodies. The use of restraints, for example, can increase the physical sensation of being touched, while the use of pain can increase the feeling of being in one’s body. Mental aspects of BDSM can also enhance corporeality by creating a more intense mental connection between partners. The use of power dynamics can create a feeling of being in control of one’s body, while the use of role-playing can create a feeling of being in control of one’s sexual activity.
BDSM vs. Vanilla Sex: Is There a Difference?
When it comes to sex, there are many different preferences and kinks that people enjoy. Generally, people like vanilla sex, while others prefer something a little more adventurous that can test their kinky side– BDSM.
It turns out that there is a big difference between BDSM and vanilla sex. BDSM is much more intense and can often lead to a more intense orgasm. BDSM practitioners are more accepting of a wide range of sexual expressions, from dirty talk and role play to blindfolding, safe breath play, light spanking, and bondage.
But what about the science behind it all? Is there a difference between the two when it comes to hormones and brain activity?
Various studies have shown that people who engage in BDSM activities often have higher levels of hormones like adrenaline, endorphins, and cortisol. These hormones can lead to a more intense sexual experience. Additionally, there is a higher pain threshold among BDSM practitioners, which is temporarily elevated, especially for submissives, during a BDSM interaction. There’s also a high involvement of the physiological stress system, again more for submissives. This suggests that BDSM can be a more intense and stimulating experience than vanilla sex.
FAQs
How do people recognize that they like BDSM?
People interested in BDSM often report feeling a strong sense of curiosity, excitement, or arousal when they think about BDSM activities or see them portrayed in the media. Others report feeling strongly connected to BDSM-related concepts, such as power exchange, sensation play, or role-playing.
Why do some people like BDSM while others do not?
Some people like BDSM because it is a way to let go of control and feel liberated. They may also like the physical sensation of activities such as being spanked or handcuffed. Others find BDSM to be anti-feminist or degrading. It is, therefore, important to communicate with your partner to figure out what they are and are not comfortable with. It is also important to remember that not everyone likes the same things as you in the bedroom. The most important thing to remember about BDSM is that it’s ALWAYS consensual. No one should ever do anything they don’t want to do, and everyone should feel safe and comfortable at all times.
Are there specific experiences that lead to liking BDSM?
Children who have experienced abuse, especially sexual abuse, are more likely to engage in BDSM in adulthood. This finding comes from this online survey where 1219 individuals were surveyed about their childhood experiences, sexual fantasies, and current sexual behaviors. This may be because BDSM can provide a sense of control and power for those who feel they have none from past experiences. It can also be a way to reenact and process the abuse they experienced. That said, if you are concerned that your history of abuse may be impacting your BDSM activities, it is important to speak to a therapist or other mental health professional who can help you understand and cope with your experiences.
How long do BDSM enthusiasts have to wait to engage in BDSM-related activities?
This study about sexual satisfaction and distress of the BDSM community indicates that BDSM enthusiasts wait for about 6 years after becoming interested in BDSM to act on their interests. For example, people who become aware of their BDSM interests before age 10 will come to terms with it at about age 11-14, then start engaging in BDSM-related activities at average age 18.
The Bottom Line
BDSM is a popular kink among all types of people – and it’s not just for people who are “kinky” or “edgy.” Studies show that BDSM is practiced by people of all genders, sexual orientations, and relationship statuses. People mostly engage in kinky bedroom activities because they are exciting and challenging. Others find it to be a safe way to express their sexuality. Regardless of the reasons, it is clear that BDSM can be a fun and fulfilling activity for many people.
If you are interested in exploring your own kinky interests, we encourage you to do so with an open mind and a sense of adventure.