Talking with my friends a few weeks back and the topic of BDSM and its benefits came up. To some, it was a pointless and painful activity. To some others, it wasn’t just a fun way to spice up their sex lives but a way to bond with and get to know their partners better.
So, if you’ve ever wondered about BDSM and the reasons why more people keep engaging in it, in this post, I’ll let you in on some key benefits of it so you can be better prepared to get kinky in the sheets with your partner.
These benefits will maybe change how you think of BDSM and encourage you to spice up your sex life by introducing BDSM. Ready? Let’s get started!
What are the possible BDSM benefits?
BDSM which is an acronym for Bondage – Dominance – Submission – Masochism/Sadism is a sexual activity that involves power play and control. And it has many benefits.
Although popularized by The Fifty Shades of Grey movie, it’s a very common form of sex that has always existed. But why exactly is it such a well-talked-about sexual act for couples?
There are several perceptions about this undertaking. According to a sex relationship coach, Kim Anami, “to an outsider, many of these ideas may seem extreme, but for centuries various cultures have used these techniques as deeper ways to explore consciousness, power, and control, as well as the dynamics of masculine and feminine energies in relationships.”
While some people may find this scary, harmful, or even downright a taboo sexual act to engage in, research proves otherwise and shows the benefits you can enjoy from performing BDSM acts with your sexual partner. Some of these are:
- Fosters trust between you and your partner
Performing BDSM requires a higher level of trust than if you were engaging in regular and more traditional sexual acts.
Typically, couples pick a safe word at the beginning. This safe word indicates that the other person isn’t into what’s being done or experiencing a level of pain that’s not pleasurable. To do this efficiently, you have to be able to trust whomever you’re with to listen and care about your needs and reactions. With BDSM, you learn to explore each other’s fantasies and boundaries and learn to care more.
It takes an outstanding level of trust to share your fantasies and fetishes with someone. Be open with them about what you desire, and then begin to map out a plan to make it happen. There’s a layer of vulnerability and trust that’s required to engage in BDSM. According to Kim Anami, “when done consciously, practicing BDSM can be a very powerful experience for a couple, ultimately bringing them closer together.”
- Improves your communication skills
BDSM requires constant communication to understand what your partner wants, what they like, and don’t like.
It requires more consistent openness about your desires and feelings than any other sexual act. This simple requirement dramatically improves your ability to share with your partner by creating an environment where communication is necessary.
According to a licensed clinical social worker, Lisa Hochberger, who’s also a sex therapist, she stated that those who practice BDSM typically possess higher levels of sex education and better communication skills.
- It adds a layer of excitement to your sex life
We all know sex can become repetitive and sometimes boring, especially when you’ve been with the same partner for a long time. So you need ways to keep the excitement flowing and improve happiness in the bedroom.
BDSM helps with this. It allows you to be more open and vulnerable with each other about your fantasies and opens the door to exploring them. This is a fun way to learn new things about your partner while also adding spice to your sex life.
- It reduces stress
One research showed that participants in BDSM are usually more relaxed than those who only engage in vanilla sex. In addition, their blood work showed a lower cortisol level, a hormone related to stress, high blood pressure, and insulin resistance.
A study by scientists at Northern Illinois University found that dominants showed a lower cortisol level after a BDSM session. It is an excellent way to relieve stress, like running or other cardio exercises. According to this study, participants enter a state of mindfulness, similar to the mindset athletes report when they’re in the zone.
- Build a better relationship
Considering how much trust, openness, and communication are required when performing BDSM; it’s no wonder it helps you build better relationships.
Aside from this, it also increases intimacy and your connection with your partner more than any other type of sexual activity.
- Improved mental health
In a study titled Psychological Characteristics of BDSM Practitioners, it was discovered that those who practice BDSM are likely to have better mental health than those who don’t.
This study showed that compared to other participants, those who took part in BDSM had a higher sense of self and security in their relationships, were more open and extroverted, had decreased anxiety, and were less likely to be affected by others’ perceptions of them.
- Improves self-esteem
Lastly, one of the most essential benefits of BDSM is how much it improves the self-esteem of those who partake in it. BDSM is a way to reclaim control of your sexuality and only do what you like and want rather than follow regular sexual norms.
The confidence you get from learning about yourself regarding your sexuality and living that entirely is almost unmatched.
In a survey by Refinery 29, several women spoke on how much BDSM helps them live more confident lives.
One of them was Alice, a deaf woman who mentioned how BDSM helps her question herself, her expectations of sex, and society. Alice mentioned that after she suddenly went deaf, lost her partner and her job, and was also battling suicidal thoughts, meeting someone who introduced her to BDSM helped her regain not only her confidence but also improved her mental health.
Another person who spoke on how BDSM helps their self-esteem was Eevi, a 24-year-old woman. She mentioned how discovering and getting into BDSM helped her regain control of her life. As a young woman diagnosed with ADHD, anger management, and a rape survivor, Eevi says getting into BDSM not only helped her find some healthy control of her life; it also helped her accept her sexuality and herself as a sexual submissive, something she had hated because of her previous abuse.
Conclusion
It’s easy to see why BDSM gets such a negative rep. The common unconscious perception is that it’s brutal and simply painful.
But BDSM is more than pain. It involves trust, which is key to any successful relationship. You can always start light and explore the various types of BDSM to find what works for your relationship. Remember that it’s meant to be fun for all involved, so be mindful of each other’s boundaries.
Hopefully, you get to enjoy the beautiful benefits mentioned above 🙂
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