BDSM is an umbrella term encompassing various practices, including submission and dominance. From the simple act of tying someone up to the more extreme form of domination and submission, BDSM has everything for someone. Whether you are a seasoned pro or just starting to explore your kinky side, sub-training can be an exciting and rewarding experience.
Submissive training is a BDSM practice where a dominant partner trains a submissive partner in BDSM activities and behaviors. There are two kinds of sub-training; the one in which you as a sub train yourself to be a good sub. The other kind is where a Master trains a sub according to what he/she wants from the sub. The focus of this article is on the latter type of sub-training. This sub-training can be done in a full-time, 24/7 relationship, in a scene-based setting, or even online.
This article will explore what sub-training is, why it’s necessary, who it’s for, and the different styles and techniques involved. So, let’s get started.
What is Sub Training in BDSM?
Sub-training is a process of education and conditioning of a submissive in BDSM. The purpose of sub-training is to help the submissive understand their role and the expectations of the Dominant. It also helps them develop their skills and preferences in BDSM activities.
The training can be executed in a full-time relationship, scene-based, or online. It requires a high degree of trust and communication between both parties to ensure a safe and enjoyable experience.
Sub-training is usually between committed individuals in a long-term relationship with one another. Sub-training is not recommended for individuals who engage in casual BDSM play.
The submissive person willfully gives control of their body to their Dom for a given period. The training of a submissive could also be an integral part of a Master-slave relationship, especially in the beginning.
3 Goals of Sub-Training
The trainee and trainer must know what should be the goals of sub-training before diving right into it. Let us have a look at the goals of sub-training.
Strengthen the Relationship
Sub-training helps build a relationship of trust between partners. One of the significant reasons for sub-training is to strengthen relationships. Sub-training allows the Dom to treat their sub how they want them to behave, especially in bed. Similarly, a sub also prefers to be treated like their Dom wants them to treat. They want to please their Dom, and when pleasure is mutual, the chances of a good and healthy relationship increase.
If you want to know more about BDSM in relationships, learn whether BDSM is good for relationships or not here.
The Dom Preferences
Another goal of sub-training is to get subs familiar with the Doms’ individual preferences, e.g., what kind of food they like. What their schedule looks like. How they want to be treated during sex. Etc. Remember that, like every other BDSM play, sub-training must be consensual.
The Sub’s Needs
The last but most crucial goal of sub-training is to get an idea of what your sub wants. Yes, it is not all about what the dominant person wants. As a good Dom, you need to prioritize your sub’s needs too, and genuinely make efforts to satisfy their desires and make them feel like they are too part of the play scene.
Healthy Dom-sub relationships last when the sub’s needs are given the same attention as the Dom’s needs. People with submissive personalities are often neglected in a relationship, and sub-training can help them put their needs firmly before their dominant counterparts.
Pre-Requisite and Central Parts of a Sub-Training
Before diving deep into your sub-training, discussing the basics with your partner is vital. So, find following the pre-requirements to start a great sub-training.
Set limits
BDSM is not only about pleasing the dominant partner. The truth is that both subs and Doms should be able to derive pleasure from the play scenes. So, it is essential to set all the vital limits beforehand to avoid disappointment later on, as setting boundaries enables the sub to explore their sensuality safely.
Namely, there are two sets of limitations in a classic BDSM play – hard and soft limits. Both the limits must be remembered while engaging in submissive training to ensure safety and respect boundaries.
Soft limit refers to an activity or behavior that a person is hesitant to engage in but is willing to try under certain conditions or with certain modifications. Some examples of soft limits are bondage, spanking, or sensory deprivation.
In these cases, a person may be willing to try the activity but only if certain conditions are met, such as using a specific type of restraint or limiting the intensity of the actions. Sub-training is a good opportunity to challenge those soft limits a bit if your submissive partner feels well with it.
Hard limits are activities a person is unwilling to engage in under any circumstances. Establishing and respecting hard limits is essential to ensure that all parties involved in a BDSM scene feel safe and comfortable.
Play scenes like scat play, blood play, any non-consensual activities, or any activity that may harm the sub are part of hard limits.
The main point of setting these limits is ensuring that the submissive partner is not pressured to do anything they don’t want.
Remember that it’s okay to say no. Have frequent discussions about limits with your partner because limits tend to change as you get more comfortable with your partner.
Establish a Safeword
A safeword in BDSM is a word or phrase that is agreed upon by all parties involved in the BDSM scene to communicate a clear and immediate message to stop the activity.
Safewords are essential to maintain boundaries and ensure safety. In addition, using a safeword allows for clear communication and mutual understanding of consent and limits, which is crucial in BDSM play, where power dynamics are often at play.
Red, yellow, and green are common safewords.
- Red indicates an immediate stop.
- Yellow indicates a need to slow down or check-in.
- Green means everything is going well, and there is no need to stop.
Establishing a safeword is a must before engaging in submissive training. In addition, using non-verbal signs comes in handy when the sub is gagged, so make sure to set some non-verbal signs too.
A BDSM Contract
A BDSM contract helps in keeping things consensual in a power exchange dynamic. It is a written document designed to gain consent and agreement for every activity and type of training that might be practiced in a Dom-sub relationship. Apart from keeping things consensual, the contract helps keep things safe and is a great way to communicate expectations. Especially in new relationships or when starting to train a sub, a special BDSM-Training-Contract is highly recommended. Have a look for some more details on Dominant – submissive contracts here.
A BDSM contract should include the following:
- Roles and expectations
- Safewords
- Rules and rituals
- Soft and hard limits
- Agreements upon punishments
- Duration and type of dynamic
Decide the Presentation
Once you get all the essentials checked, it’s time to start with some fun. Presentation, as the name implies, means a formal demonstration or performance by a submissive partner for their dominant partner.
A presentation has many forms and can be customized to suit the parties’ preferences.
Here are some examples:
- Performing a strip or dance tease for the dominant partner.
- Asking the submissive to be in a specific position, such as kneeling or standing with hands behind their back, as a sign of submission and respect.
- Wearing specific outfits or uniforms.
- Performing particular tasks for the dominant partner, such as serving food or drinks.
Decide on the Form of Address
How will your sub address you? It depends on the dominant preference, what they like, and what the sub wants to call them. If you wish to be called a Master, a God, King, Queen, Mistress, or anything else, it’s your choice.
It would be best if you also decided on the tone of your communication. Decide if you wish to have a warmer or colder tone of communication and when the submissive is allowed to speak at all; then, train the submissive partner accordingly.
Services
While training the submissive partner, the dominant partner will also have to decide the benefits they would want from their sub.
Whether you want them to serve you food, clean your room, do house chores, or provide sexual service, it depends on your and your sub’s preference.
Once services are established, train your sub accordingly to get the most out of your sub-training.
To further signify your dominance, you can give them instructions on how to perform every task. Also, emphasize that if the task is not done correctly, you will punish them Doing so will not only establish you as a dominant person but will also spice things up.
Posture
Train your sub on how they can handle you in different positions. Teach them positions you like and ask them about their preferred positions. Doing so will establish a respectful Dom-sub relationship and help you learn more about the kinky side of your sub.
Conditioning Techniques
After an initial talk with your sub, it’s time to begin the actual training. You, as the Dominant, should be familiar with the conditioning methods to make the training for both of you successful.
The main objective of conditioning our subs is to expose them to a “stimulus” and get them to respond in the way we want.
You can do these conditioning exercises as part of your submissive training.
Positive Reinforcement
Positive reinforcement involves providing a reward for the desired behavior. For example, if the submissive follows an order, they may receive praise or a treat. In addition, it will encourage the submissive to repeat the desired behavior in the future.
Negative Reinforcement
Negative reinforcement involves removing a negative stimulus when the desired behavior is displayed. For example, if the submissive does not follow an order, they may be punished.
The punishment is then removed when they comply with the order. Doing so encourages the submissive to avoid the negative stimulus in the future by following orders.
Operant Conditioning
Operant conditioning means using both positive and negative reinforcement to shape behavior. For example, the submissive may receive praise for taking a small step toward a larger goal but may receive punishment for not making any progress.
The goal is to eventually shape the submissive’s behavior towards the desired outcome.
Classic Conditioning
Classical conditioning involves pairing a neutral stimulus with positive or negative stimulation, and over time, the person being conditioned will start responding to the neutral stimulus with a desired response. For example, if you constantly keep commanding your sub to spread their legs (neutral stimulus), over time, they will get wet (desired response) just after hearing your command.
The concept can be best understood using Pavlov’s dog as an example. He would ring a bell each time he fed the dog to indicate that food should be given. He kept doing this until, ultimately, the dog would start to salivate at the sound of the bell, even in the absence of any food.
Extinction
This means ignoring your sub’s unnecessary behaviors until they eventually give up and follow your orders.
Modeling
This conditioning technique provides a step-by-step guide to your sub on how to properly do the assigned tasks.
These different types of conditioning are important. Use them to keep your training interesting and not boring. The type of conditioning technique you incorporate depends on what you are teaching and what’s your expected outcome. Now let’s have a look at what different sub-training are out there.
Types of Submissive Training
There are various kinds of training that you can incorporate into your sub-training. The type of training you want to give to your sub depends on your preferences, desire, and limits as partners.
It is optional to stick to providing only one kind of training. You can try out as many types of sub-training as you and your partner prefer. Here are some of the kinds of submissive training.
Play Training
Play training involves role-playing activities. Play training is to have fun with your partner and keep things heated. You can ask your sub to be a maid, nurse, or whatever your preference is.
Preference Training
Preference training means training your sub according to what you prefer. Teach the subs how you like your tea, how you want them to behave, or how you’d like them to do house chores for you.
Many Doms like to train their sub to ask for their permission before they start eating. This is another way to apply preference training. You should be specific about your preferences and communicate them clearly, so your sub can learn to adapt to your preferences.
Skill Training
It means teaching your subs the skills like cooking, massaging, and all the skills that can be of excellent service to the Dom.
If you want your sub to be your sex servant more than the house servant, you need to teach the sex positions you like, blowjob techniques, role-playing, etc.
You should also note that it’s mostly not the Dom who provides the details; the sub has to find the details through the internet (e.g., how to do a great blow job or deep throat), online courses, or books. The Dom, however, supervises the progress and offers help when necessary.
Insight training
Insight training helps subs become better at submission over time. However, this training is hard to do as it requires the sub to share their deepest and darkest desires with their dominant partner, which in turn requires self-awareness. So, if you’re a dom, you need to train subs to express their emotions openly and have honest communication so that they eventually improve at submission.
The Dos of Submissive Training
Below is the list of things you should consider before, during, and after the sub-training to get maximum advantage from each training session.
Before training:
- Have an honest, open, and transparent conversation with your sub before persuading them to get trained by you.
- Read and research about submissive training, BDSM, and everything else you’d like your sub to be trained at. Read our blogs to get all the info you need.
- Get the right products. Using the appropriate sex toys during play scenes could spice up your sub-training. Get all the information on the products for beginners here.
- Get a BDSM contract. Yes, it’s essential to have a contract that contains all the things you want to do and when you want to engage in BDSM activities. It should also include limits and whether this is something you want to do weekly or daily.
- Always check if your sub is ready for training. Their consent is of the highest value here. Never force them into anything they don’t want to do; BDSM is always consensual!
During Training
It is essential to keep the following things in mind during the training sessions:
- During the play, ensure that everything is set up. Of course, having first aid, extra lubes, and medical scissors for emergencies doesn’t hurt.
- Have a little intimate pre-training session, so your sub knows that you value and respect their wishes.
- Check up on your sub during the training session. As a Dom, you must also ensure that the sub enjoys the dynamic.
After Training
Always remember to do aftercare! After the training session, you must be there for your sub and comfort them through cuddles, kisses, and communication. They are your responsibility, and you should take proper care of them.
The Don’t s of Submissive Training
Here are a few things you must refrain from doing as part of submissive training.
- Be dominant without being the master of everything! Yes, you heard it right. Train your sub like a human, and don’t act like you have every right to do whatever you want. Entitlement never suits a dominant person.
- Don’t make subs feel like they are weak. Give them equal opportunity to voice their limits, desires, and wishes. Don’t treat them as inferiors.
- Don’t undermine their efforts. Acknowledge and appreciate everything subs do for you and the relationship.
- Don’t get irritated if your sub takes time to understand things. Be patient with them and treat them with love and kindness.
- Don’t shout at your sub.
Final Thoughts
The takeaway from this blog is to respect and value what your sub needs and know what you want as a Dom yourself. Self-awareness and communication are the keys to building a solid submissive training routine. You must follow all the instructions properly to achieve the maximum output through sub-training.
Sub-training is an important part of making your BDSM journey more enjoyable. It keeps the excitement alive and helps you bond with your partner. Understanding techniques mentioned in the blog will help you condition your sub the way you want them to behave while keeping their identity intact.