Looking for a BDSM partner will be more complicated than finding a partner for vanilla sex. As a result, it’s common to turn to dating apps. These have made it easier to find people who share your love of fetish sex.
But these aren’t the only way to recruit a potential partner who is also in your kinks. Keep reading to learn more about how to find a partner and some tips to help you get started.
BDSM Dating Apps And Dating Websites
Let’s start by looking at one of the most popular ways of finding a partner through a BDSM dating app. There are dozens of apps and websites to choose from. Here’s a quick overview of some of the most popular options:
- Bondage.com. If you love a partner who will tie you up, this is the place to begin your search. Plus, plenty of group forums help you learn more about your interests. This is also an excellent place for beginners. If you are just starting in this area, you might want to consider a nice PU Leather Bondage Set, which gives you all the restraints you need to get started.
- Passion.com. A very popular dating website ideal for finding BDSM partners online. With a kink-based search feature, it caters to the diverse needs of the BDSM community. Boasting a strong reputation and a high female demographic, the website has connected people and built relationships for over 20 years. While primarily used for hookups, it can also foster long-term connections, making it a versatile choice for finding a BDSM partner.
- Alt.com. This is the ideal platform for those seeking a more kink-focused dating experience, especially in the BDSM realm. With over two million members, it is one of the largest BDSM communities worldwide, making it easy to find a suitable match. In addition, the website offers various features, such as live chat, member cams, and reactions to posted pictures or videos. Alt.com caters to experienced Dominants/submissives and newcomers to BDSM, providing an accessible and engaging experience within a large, open-minded global community.
- Adult Friend Finder (AFF). AFF, with 55 million mostly vanilla monthly users, offers dedicated BDSM chat rooms, making it an excellent choice for finding a BDSM partner even on a vanilla app. The platform allows users to post photos and videos and share their kinks. In addition, AFF’s compatibility scores, search function, and features like video chat and fetish-oriented chat rooms enhance the user experience and cater to kink dating.
BDSM dating apps aren’t too difficult to use. However, most of the time, they are similar to a vanilla dating app, just with a stronger emphasis on kink play and with the big advantage that your matches are already vetted and into the same kinks as you are.
You can also turn to vanilla dating apps. These are a double-edged sword. They offer a more extensive community to find a better match. On the downside, you will need more vetting to find someone willing to embrace BDSM play. This article discusses the five steps you need to complete to start BDSM dating on a vanilla app.
BDSM Social Media Apps
One of the most common ways to interact with people from the community is through BDSM Social Media Apps. There are a few options you can explore; these include:
- FetLife. This is one of the most popular BDSM communities. There is a huge range of forums that you can participate in, so it’s easy to find people who share your interests. Furthermore, it’s a great way to find events in your local area.
- Fetish.com. This is one of the oldest BDSM sites, offering plenty of ways to interact with people who share your interests, like checking out the forums. There are also plenty of ways to learn more about the world of BDSM, through magazines and BDSM training schools.
- Reddit. Reddit is home to a huge range of BDSM fetish communities, uniting people worldwide. Plus, you can remain completely anonymous.
- BDSM.com. Also a dating app, but its primary focus is to help you connect in general with people in your area. It also has over 300 groups, so you can meet with people who share your interests.
- Facebook groups. You might be able to find a private Facebook group that caters to your fetish. The good news is that many of these groups tend to be strongly moderated. You might also want to try other vanilla apps. Things like Twitter or Instagram will have tags to help you search for BDSM lovers. Don’t miss out on anything and follow Lisa Freedom for the latest updates 🙂
It’s best to investigate a few of these options. You might want to explore a few communities to see where they take you. Plus, you’ll learn more about BDSM and how to give more satisfaction to your partner.
There are a few ways that you can use BDSM social media apps to find a potential partner. These include:
- Private messages. In these chatrooms, you might find someone that you connect with. You can then move into private messages to find out more about them. If they are close enough, you can even organize a meet-up. If not, you might want to try a long-distance relationship.
- Finding events in your local area. As we’ll discuss later, BDSM events are one of the best ways to learn more about your local BDSM community and meet people who share your interests.
The world of online BDSM will be different from in-person events. Often, you will need to emphasize video calls more strongly to bring a fantasy to life. This article will help you learn how to get started with online BDSM.
Attending A Munch
Often, one of the best ways to meet new people is by attending a munch in your local area. These are informal events held in vanilla settings. While you can have kinky conversations, they won’t involve any physical play, so you don’t need to worry about getting out. To the outside world, it looks just like a group of friends getting together for a chat.
The BDSM community tends to be fairly close-knit. As a result, they can recommend potential partners who share your kinks and fit your play style. Furthermore, you will be able to build roots in the community. This can help you get invited to other events, like play parties.
There are a few tips you can use to make a good impression at a much; these include:
- Be open about your kinks. The people at these events are fellow BDSM lovers, so you don’t need to worry about them judging you.
- Read the listing. This will tell everything you need to know about the munch. You’ll learn when and where it will be held. Plus, you’ll find the clothing requirements. The event will usually be held in a vanilla setting, so avoid wearing too kinky clothing.
- Be respectful. While the gathering is for kinky people, that doesn’t mean that every word will be about sex. It’s a good idea to spend some time getting to know people before you start to ask questions about their BDSM play.
Though these events can be a great place to find a partner, it’s more about getting to know other people interested in BDSM in your local area. Because of this, you shouldn’t ask everyone at the event if they want to play with you. However, you can start the conversation if they seem a good fit. If not, just relax and enjoy spending time with fellow kink enthusiasts.
Through An Educational Event
Another way to find local kink lovers is by attending an educational event. These involve a talk from an expert, helping you learn more about a particular part of BDSM play. For example, they might want to talk about Shibari, teaching you what knots to use during a bondage scene. If you live in a smaller community, these events might be held at someone’s house, taught by an experienced Dominant/submissive.
Again, these tend to be vanilla events, so dress and act appropriately. One of the best parts of attending these events is that you know the other participants are interested in the same kinks as you.
Attending A BDSM Convention
This is another vanilla event. Often, these events aren’t based on kinky sex or conversations. They are more akin to trade shows. A bunch of manufacturers who produce BDSM gear will attend to show off their wares. There might also be guest speakers and other entertainment.
But you will know that a bunch of other BDSM people will be attending. So, this can present a good way to get to know some of the people in your local community. It can also present a great way to learn more about practicing BDSM safely.
The good news is that these events are relatively easy to find. You just need to Google “BDSM convention near me,” and they should pop up. If not, check out FetLife and other BDSM social media sites.
Attending A Play Party
BDSM play parties are a great way to meet new people while exploring your kinkier side. As the name suggests, these are NSFW events where you also can get physical.
There are a few ways to find where a BDSM party is being held:
- Get to know people in your local community. This is the best way to learn about upcoming events. This is especially important if you are in a small town, where play parties might be held at someone’s house.
- Search on FetLife. This is commonplace to announce all types of BDSM events, including play parties. You can also try Googling “BDSM communities near me”; this will bring up any local Facebook or Reddit groups for you to join.
- Ask sex shop owners. A sex shop can be a good place to advertise a kinky get-together.
If this is your first play party, it can be intimidating to attend. Here are some tips to keep in mind:
- Follow the requirements. To ensure everyone’s privacy and safety, there are strict requirements you need to meet before you attend a play party. For example, it’s common for these events to have a strict dress code. This is intended to stop members of the vanilla community from turning up. At other times, you will need to get vetted by a member of the BDSM community. In most cases, you will need to RSVP. You shouldn’t show up uninvited. For a larger gathering, you might be required to bring a photo ID to prove your identity.
- It’s okay just to watch. It’s a good idea to avoid getting involved at your first few play parties. This lets you get a feel for the event and the type of play that is going on. If you can, taking a friend with you is a good idea. Most of the time, hardcore scenes will be sectioned off, so you don’t need to worry about seeing anything too confronting.
- Understand that each party is different. Sometimes, a larger group party might have an educational demonstration before play begins. At other times, there will be a more informal atmosphere with music playing and people chatting about their kinks. You don’t need to worry about facing a full-on hardcore orgy.
- Always act consensually. Before you start playing, work out the boundaries with your partner. Ensure you have a safe word that stops play immediately if things get out of hand. Larger events might also have more experienced Dominants and submissives to ensure everything is done safely.
- You can take toys. If you have a favorite toy, feel free to take it to the party with you. For example, you might bring a favorite leather flogger or your ultimate magic wand vibrator to use with your partner.
These aren’t dating events. But if you find a playmate and enjoy others’ company, you might want to ask about meeting outside the play party.
Be Open About Your Love Of BDSM
Finally, many people report that being open about their love of BDSM has helped them find partners. Understandably, some people prefer to keep this part of their life secret, fearful of being judged by the wider community. But if it’s an important part of your personality, you shouldn’t have to keep it secret. Many people report that most people are very respectful when they open up about their love of BDSM.
If you take this approach, it’s best to be prepared to give some information about your kinks. Once people understand where you are coming from, they might be willing to experiment. On the other hand, if you are willing to go slowly, you might be able to convince a vanilla partner to dip their toys into the world of BDSM.
Final Thoughts
When considering finding BDSM partners, dating apps are normally the first thing to come to mind. Indeed, these are excellent tools. But they aren’t the only place to look. From munches to BDSM social media sites, there are plenty of ways to find a partner.
The more you interact with your local kinky community, the more opportunities you will have to find someone who meets your needs. So, get out there and learn more about what this community offers.