How to introduce BDSM to your partner? Here are the exact tips and ways to introduce a new kink or BDSM to your relationship. Have you ever been interested in exploring BDSM with your partner but did not know how to bring it up? It cannot be easy to bring up, but you can do a few things to make the conversation more comfortable.
It’s also important to remember that BDSM always has to do about consent. You and your partner, as a couple, need to discuss some of the essential boundaries before you start. Then, once you have both agreed to continue or give it a try, you should take it slow.
In simple terms, the process of introducing BDSM to your partner can be easier if you follow the process below:
- Make sure you have a clear opinion and understanding of your own needs and wants
- Ensure that you know what BDSM includes or not include
- Try to find a good reason to introduce it (watching a movie, reading a book, or a video)
- Start with the basics and see how it goes
Although, it is always essential to be open and honest about your desires and expectations.
However, there are more things you need to learn and be familiar with before having a conversation with your partner. So, stay tuned to the end of the article to learn everything you need to know!
How to Start a Conversation About BDSM With Your Partner?
For those who did not know, BDSM is a physical, mental, and emotional practice that can be incredibly exciting, intimate and satisfying for both partners.
However, you have to do it right to get the best outcome and have a positive answer, so it is essential to focus on a particular thing when you are about to start a conversation with your partner; otherwise, it will be an awkward moment or not as comfortable as you wanted it to be.
Anyhow, if you are wondering how to start a conversation without feeling uncomfortable or weird, here is a little guide with a few tips on how to talk to your partner about BDSM:
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Ensure that your partner feels comfortable
If you are honest with your partner and your partner is honest with you, it means that you have a strong, excellent relationship for clear communication and cooperation.
First, make sure you both feel comfortable discussing sexual topics. Then it will be easier for you to talk about BDSM, probably before having sex, but if you prefer, you can do it during sex as well.
A good tip we have for you is to choose a time when you are both calm, happy, and willing to listen to each other (possibly at night). You also could surprise your partner, for example, by creating a great romantic atmosphere, such as a romantic dinner with aromatic candles and wine, sharing your feelings and imaginations with your partner.
To finally start the conversation about the “new topic,” Caitlin V., M.P.H., Sexologist, suggests coming from a place of vulnerability and weak position. V. emphasizes, “Getting it out that you’re feeling vulnerable usually invites your partner into holding a compassionate space for you.” For example, you could use lines such as “There’s something I’d like to talk to you about, but I’m frightened that you’ll think I’m crazy.” Or “Do you have the bandwidth to talk about something? I’ve been hesitant to bring it up because I’m scared, but it’s imperative to me.”
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Be clear and to the point
Be clear about your desires and fantasies. It is important to be open, transparent, and honest with your partner about what you want to experience, try new things, and try something different than usual things.
Many couples want to try new things, and BDSM is one of the ways they most like to try them. So, if you think that you and your partner want something new, then it is the right time to introduce BDSM.
A great way to express your thoughts is to tell your partner what you would love to try together, what you want to do, or let the partner do on you.
For example, you can share a storyline in which you are playing the role of an injured person and then your partner has to treat you like a nurse or a doctor.
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Watch related videos together
You are on the right track if you have been talking to your partner and they have been interested in your thoughts and fantasies.
However, you may not know where to start, which is often the primary problem when people face trying something new. In this case, there are many videos and movies that you can watch together with your partner.
For example, the Fifty Shades of Grey is an example to show your partner what BDSM could look like, even if it’s not portraying BDSM in a 100% accurate way (check Fifty Shades of Grey vs. BDSM). Also, you can explore our recent article explaining what BDSM is to the point. Furthermore, you can ask your partner for opinions, thoughts, and everything related to what they see to check if they like it or they are interested in it.
Thus, you’ll be able to expand your imagination and see how other couples in movies and videos practice BDSM practices.
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Start with fundamentals
If you are a new couple getting into BDSM, you need to start with some of the basics and fundamental practices to see what it looks like and to gain experience.
Some fundamental practices are spanking, playing with fake handcuffs, or using handy materials such as scarfs, ties, or clothes, which are great ways to introduce soft bondage to your partner.
However, you don’t need to run to the next erotic store to equip your bedroom with all those nice and fancy BDSM stuff. There are plenty of ways to start with materials already in your possession; for some more ideas, see our article about Soft Bondage and 10 Alternatives to Handcuffs.
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Do not put pressure on your partner
Many people in relationships feel pressured by their partners to do things they don’t want to do, which can lead to unhealthy relationships. When you feel pressured by your partner, it is essential to discuss it with them and try to work out a solution that works for both of you.
For example, if your goal is to satisfy your imagination, you first need to consider your partner because it might not satisfy them. Sometimes, partners are unwilling to try more uncommon and a bit more dangerous practices that might lead to accidents, so you must hear your partner’s beliefs.
If one of you disagrees with something, then try something else that both of you will be interested in trying, so it will be an enjoyable and exciting experience.
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Respect your partner
Finally, you should respect your partner’s boundaries. BDSM is all about consent, so you must be on the same page as your partner.
All people have their preferences in every aspect of life. So, if your partner does not want to try something, stay cool because it’s not the end of the world. There are many other things in BDSM that might surprise them!
Which Topics Need to Be Discussed for BDSM?
A few general topics need to be discussed when getting into BDSM. First, both partners must discuss their boundaries and how they keep the play safe, and what they are willing to do to get the most out of these practices and enjoy these moments to the fullest.
The most important topics to discuss BDSM in the beginning are the following ones:
Safe words
Limits and boundaries (soft and hard limits)
Aftercare
BDSM is always about consent. Therefore, at any stage of a BDSM play either party (dominant/submissive) could slow down or stop the play with a safe word or safe sign. It’s a must to agree upon before starting any activity! Usually, two different safe words are used, one for slowing down, e.g., “orange,” and the other for immediately stopping the play, e.g., “red.” For example, safe signs are used if the submissive can’t speak because they are gagged. Those could be signals with the hand or the eyes accordingly.
To avoid calling out a safe word and stopping a play cold turkey, it’s essential to know the limits and boundaries of each other. BDSM can be an enjoyable and rewarding experience, but it is important to guarantee that both partners are on the same page before getting started. So, let’s have a closer look at what soft and hard limits are:
When we say soft limits, we mean that these limits are often activities you don’t enjoy and don’t normally do, but you can consider doing them for the right people. When we say hard limits, we mean the things you should not do under any circumstances.
It’s of utmost importance to talk about those limits before starting with new kinks so that everybody knows what is accepted and what’s not. This part also brings the opportunity to discover some new erotic and sexual stuff you maybe never heard about. Have a curious look with your partner into the “soft and hard limits of BDSM” on the internet and discover things you are up to trying together.
Each BDSM scene or play is followed by aftercare. Depending on the intensity, this could be directly after or even with some time delay. It’s the time to bring the Dom and sub slowly “back to reality,” to recover, and to check each other’s emotional and physical needs. It’s time to talk about what happened and what kind of sensations were related to it. Besides safety, with boundaries and safe words, aftercare is essential and an excellent opportunity to learn so much more about each other.
When to Talk To Your Partner About BDSM?
If you clearly know your intentions and are backed up with solid information, it’s time to think about the timing, thus, the “when.”
The best possible time to talk to your partner about BDSM is in the evening or on a Sunday morning when you are both in a calm mood and have no tasks to do that may affect your psychology and thoughts and have enough energy for such a topic.
If you feel that your partner has a sympathetic ear or you understand that they are interested in your conversations, this is the green light to talk about BDSM and its activities. There is no need to worry or be anxious; relax and be yourself.
In case you don’t know what to say about BDSM, here’s an article we wrote about how common BDSM is to let your partner know some facts as it becomes more familiar through time, and many couples implement it in their sex life.
How to Start the Conversation With Your Partner
Now, you know what to talk about and the best time, so it’s time to kick it off!
When starting the conversation about BDSM with your partner, it is important to mention that you like and love your partner and always enjoy the moments you spend together. Then, you can either start the conversation by “accident” or give a “hint” for your partner to start the conversation.
But what do we mean by accident or giving a hint?
Let’s explain that to you better. For example, you can leave a BDSM article or a book somewhere open to be seen by the partner and start the conversation. Also, you can achieve that by agreeing to watch a movie about or with BDSM scenes and then afterward discuss it with your partner.
Another great way to accomplish that, while you are already a bit more intimate, is to start with some light slapping on the ass, see how the partner reacts, and talk about it in more detail. The same could be done by strengthening their hands during sex and seeing if they like it.
There are many ways you can introduce your partner to a new kink, and most people prefer to introduce a new kink by buying sex toys for their partners, which is not essential because, as we mentioned above, you can start with just some light slapping.
Every person is a different character, so a great method that you think is the best may only work for some people. However, if you know your partner well, you can connect it with something they like to introduce more physically.
Conclusion
In this blog post, we have mentioned some of the essential aspects of introducing BDSM or any new kink to your partner. There are several ways to do it, but if you want to increase your chances of getting a positive answer, you need to consider having a good mood, the time, and the mood of your partner as well. Also, make sure that everyone is safe when you practice BDSM! We hope that you found our article helpful, and if you have any other questions feel free to contact us for more information or leave a comment below.
Don’t miss our next article focusing on the benefits of BDSM for your relationship.