How to Get Started Today With Online BDSM?

With technology evolving daily, cybersex and sexting are not quite the taboo they once were. When you’re not interacting with someone face to face, it becomes easier to open up while still maintaining anonymity. The ease with which things work online gravitates people towards sexting and cybersex. The BDSM community is also moving along with the trend of online sex and intimacy and hence the term online BDSM.

Online BDSM refers to engaging in BDSM activities using the internet and digital communication technologies, such as chat rooms, video calls, and messaging apps. Online BDSM can take various forms, including exchanging texts and discussing BDSM fantasies or engaging in role-playing scenarios via video calls. Some people also use online platforms to find BDSM partners, join virtual BDSM communities, or watch BDSM-themed pornographic content.

Whether in a long-distance BDSM relationship or single, this article will significantly help you as it will take you through everything a committed BDSM lover needs to know about online BDSM. Ready? Let’s jump right in!

Why Online BDSM?

There are many reasons why someone would like to explore online BDSM. It could be because they are simply interested in BDSM but unfortunately could not find a compatible partner, or it could be because a couple is already in a long-term relationship. Hence to spice things up, they want to introduce BDSM into their relationship. 

Remember that while these reasons are valid to try online BDSM, some creeps are just trying to exploit genuine people, so be wary of them. Internet, online dating, and sexting are all great, but only when you know that it’s safe to discuss your kinks with your online partner. If you are more interested in finding your BDSM partner online, check out our article about the Top 6 BDSM Dating Websites (Link to be embedded after available)

How to Establish a Great Online BDSM Relationship?

Like any regular relationship, online BDSM relationships should also start with a general know-how of the individuals involved. Once a strong dynamic and foundation of trust are developed, you should only move forward with discussing your kink, likes, and dislikes.

Trust is the main element that shouldn’t be lacking if you’re part of an online BDSM setting.

Once you’re past the stages of awkwardness and feel that you’re both in a comfortable and safe space with each other, it’s the perfect time to discuss the dynamic you would like to establish. 

Both parties involved can also take a BDSM personality test to determine their preferences.

Since online BDSM would mean not interacting with your partner face-to-face, it can take a mental toll on you. Sometimes, you will question your life choices and doubt yourself. However, in such times it’s essential to talk to your partner and discuss every doubt that bothers you.

How to Avoid the Creeps?

As mentioned earlier, some people might be interested in exploring online BDSM simply because it’s easier to manipulate and exploit people online, especially if it’s someone new to the online world of BDSM. 

Fortunately, there are ways you can check if someone is a creep or not. You have to be vigilant about the following things:

• Check their family history. Ask them questions about family and past relationships.
• Their BDSM knowledge. Since most such creeps call themselves Dominant, you can test their knowledge by asking how they would handle sub-drop online. Or how would the disciplinary issues and punishment be settled online?
• See if a person exhibits signs of mental illness. You can check their way of taking things that interest them to see if they have some underlying issue. 
• Find out why they are interested in exploring online BDSM. If they do it to escape their real life, that’s your cue to sprint.

Online BDSM Education

You might think that BDSM is easy and that it’s something that everyone can do if they want. However, it’s not true. 

There are many forms of BDSM play that you need to know about to figure out what works best for you. Furthermore, anyone interested in exploring BDSM must also learn about its advantages, dangers, and the safety measures they need to take. So, educating yourself about BDSM is not only essential but necessary.

Moreover, online BDSM education also helps you discover your kinks, likes, and dislikes; these are the things that require you to gain an in-depth knowledge of BDSM rather than jumping into it blindly. Therefore, before you consider exploring online BDSM, you must get the necessary knowledge about BDSM.

There are various ways to learn BDSM online, some of which are listed below. 

• BDSM Education Websites

There are websites to educate people about BDSM, such as Kink Academy, BDSM Training Academy, School of Squirt, etc. These websites offer online courses, videos, and articles about different aspects of BDSM, including safety, consent, communication, and techniques. Also, a great source that not only focuses on BDSM is BEDUCATED.COM; the #1 Resource for Sexual Health & Happiness. Highly recommended to check it out! 

We definitely recommend you to check out our website as well, bdsmfreedom.me, to discover the exciting world of BDSM through the blogs from a real BDSM couple: Sir M & slave Lisa.

• Online Communities

Joining online BDSM communities, such as FetLife and Collarspace, can be a great way to learn from experienced practitioners and connect with others interested in BDSM. These communities often have forums, groups, and events where people can ask questions, share experiences, and learn from each other.

• Books

Many books can provide in-depth information about BDSM, including its history, culture, and practices. Some recommended titles include:

• Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns by Philip Miller and Molly Devon
• The New Topping Book & The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy
• And SM 101 by Jay Wiseman.

You can also read about our top 5 BDSM books here. 

• Online Workshops and Classes

Many BDSM educators and practitioners offer online workshops and classes on specific topics, such as rope bondage, impact play, and power exchange dynamics. 

These classes can be a great way to learn from experienced practitioners and ask questions in real-time.

5 Online Services for Your sub

Initially, online BDSM might seem complicated, especially for those exploring their interests for the first time through an online community. Yes, you can easily find an online sub who is always ready to make you cum, but what if you want more? What if you crave more from an online dynamic? 

In cases where you want more than a jerk-off session from your online slave, assigning them tasks or giving them services that create a greater sense of intimacy between both of you can be beneficial. 

You must be wondering what services you can ask from your sub, who is just your virtual partner. Well, I have some fantastic ideas for the services you can ask your virtual sub to perform without making it seem like a hassle; and to get started with online BDSM.

1. Ask for Academic Help

If you’re a student and exploring online BDSM services, then this is the best service for you to consider for your sub. 

You can order your sub to study the material you’re studying and ask questions from you. If your sub has not completed the task as per your demands, you can show your domination by punishing them. 

You can also try taking the same course and studying together through online video platforms. Then, once the study session is over, the Dom can ask their sub questions, and the sub’s future orgasms would depend on how they do on that quiz.

On the plus side, you will also get some academic help, and you can spend more time with your sub, eventually establishing greater intimacy and trust.

2. Find Porn Videos 

Yes, this is another task you can assign to your sub. Tell your preferences to your sub and command them to find you porn based on what you told them. 

Watch porn together – while watching, ask your sub to perform everything happening in the pornographic video.
For BDSM porn lovers, Sir M really recommends checking out kink.com; with their amazing variety of channels, they’re covering really every kink in the BDSM field.
What better way to test your sub’s submissive than to make them do things you demand? If you like your sub’s performance, you can ask them to list the kind of porn you would find exciting and turn this whole thing into a weekly play date.

3. Find Me Discounted Products

We all love buying things for ourselves and even more when purchasing them at a discount. But why waste your time every day to check if your favorite item is on discount when you can assign your virtual sub the task? 

You can ask them to make a list for you about the products that are good and are on discount to keep track of your sub’s performance and see their work efficiency.

4. Ask Your Sub to Keep Track of Your Daily Routine

If you’re looking for a long-term online BDSM dynamic, it’s best to let your sub know your daily routine and ask them to keep track of it. 

You can be as specific as you want, asking them to make a spreadsheet of your daily activities to check if you are getting things done on time. Challenge your virtual sub to go above and beyond so you both can develop a meaningful BDSM dynamic in an online setting.

5. Ask Your Sub to Take Training Sessions

Let your sub know the slave positions and the things that turn you on. Assign them different positions to practice each day, and at the end of the day, notice if they have made some progress. Let them know that if they don’t follow the guidelines you provided adequately, they will be punished. 

You can also let them know your kinks so they can read up on it and play out the scenes and positions their Dom likes, so both of you can have a steamy play date. 

All these services discussed above are a great way to progress your online BDSM partner from a low to a higher level of trust. Incorporating these practices into your online relationship is excellent for building a solid online Dom-sub dynamic. 

Online BDSM Role Play

BDSM roleplay can be an exciting way for couples or individuals to explore their fantasies and fetishes. 

With the advent of technology, it’s now possible to engage in BDSM roleplay online. In this last part of the article, I will discuss the different categories of online BDSM roleplay, toys to use, how to do it, and how to be innovative.

Some Guidelines to Follow For an Online BDSM Role Play

Here are a few guidelines for online BDSM roleplay. 

Find a willing partner: It’s essential to find someone interested in participating in online BDSM roleplay. You can find partners on BDSM dating sites (Alt.com, AdultFriendFinder.com, Passions.com; see more details in our article 5 Top Dating or through social media groups dedicated to BDSM. Reddit is also your friend.

Discuss boundaries: It’s essential to establish boundaries before you start roleplaying. Talk to your partner about what is off-limits and what you both feel comfortable with.

Agree on a scenario: Decide on a scenario you want to roleplay. It could be something as simple as a Dominant/submissive relationship or more elaborate.

Use appropriate language and tone: Use proper language and tone during the roleplay to create a more realistic experience. For example, if you’re the Dominant partner, use commanding language and a firm tone of voice.

Respect each other’s limits: Remember always to respect your partner’s limits and stop the roleplay immediately if someone becomes uncomfortable or overwhelmed. Also, in the BDSM online context, implementing safewords is a must!

Debrief after the roleplay: After the roleplay is over, take some time to debrief with your partner. Discuss what you both enjoyed and what could be improved for next time.

4 Categories of Online BDSM Roleplay

Here are a few categories you can explore during your online BDSM roleplay.

1. Dominant/submissive Roleplay: In this category, one partner takes on the dominant role, and the other takes on the submissive role. The dominant partner takes control of the scene and directs the submissive partner in various activities.
2. Master/slave Roleplay: This category is similar to the Dominant/submissive roleplay. However, the dominant partner takes on the role of the Master. The submissive partner takes on the part of the slave. Find out more about the differences in our articles about Dominant vs. Master and sub vs. slave.
3. Teacher/student Roleplay: In this category, one partner takes on the role of the teacher, and the other partner takes on the part of the student. The teacher can direct the student in various activities, such as discipline, punishment, and rewards.
4. Medical Roleplay: This category involves medical equipment and devices. One partner takes on the Doctor’s role, and the other takes on the patient’s. The doctor can use various medical instruments to examine and treat the patient.

Toys to Use

Using toys is always fun. Here are some innovative ways to use toys during an online BDSM session.

• Handcuffs: Handcuffs are a common tool used in BDSM roleplay. They are used to restrain the submissive partner. You can ask your virtual partner to cuff themselves in front of you on video and order them to do the things you enjoy watching. Check out our article about self-bondage, which comes in handy in those scenarios.
• Blindfolds: Blindfolds are used to block the vision of the submissive partner. Handcuffs add surprise and anticipation to the scene. Dress up in a kinky way and command your partner to blindfold themselves to add an element of surprise for them.
• Whips and Paddles: Whips and paddles are used for spanking and discipline. They can be used to inflict pain on the submissive partner. On a video call, you can tell your partner to do light spanking or bondage on themselves.
• Vibrators: Vibrators are used for sexual stimulation. They can be used on the submissive partner to enhance their pleasure. Command your virtual partner to use a vibrator to create a heightened sense of pleasure. We strongly recommend reading our related article on remote play with electrosex for more information on this topic.

How to Be Innovative in Online BDSM Sessions

Being innovative with your partner in an online BDSM session will make you stand out, and your partner will always keep you in their naughty thoughts. Here are some quick tips you can try.  

1. Use Props: Props can be used to enhance the scene. For example, you can use a desk for a Teacher/student roleplay or a medical table for a medical roleplay.
2. Use Sound Effects: Sound effects can be used to add an element of realism to the scene. For example, you can use a whip-cracking sound effect for a spanking scene.
3. Use Lighting: Lighting can be used to set the mood for the scene. You can use dim lighting for a more intimate scene or bright lighting for a more intense scene.

Final Thoughts on Online BDSM

Online BDSM is a great way to discover your kinks and act upon them without having face-to-face interaction with your partner. It’s excellent for people who are single and want to spice things up a bit or explore their freaky side with their long-distance partner.

You must possess adequate knowledge about BDSM before looking for a partner through the internet. In addition, ensure that you trust your partner before moving forward. 

Assigning submissive services and adding roleplaying into the online dynamic is a great way to progress your virtual relationship towards longevity. Happy online freaky orgasms!