After a hard-hitting BDSM scene, it can be easy to suppose that the Dom will always be in control. However, even the toughest of Tops can suddenly experience a wave of intense emotions and a sense of emptiness – otherwise known as Dom Drop or Top Drop.
Dom Drop is a heavy, mental and physical slump brought on by the sudden drop of the “high” hormones released during Domspace – an intense euphoric rush experienced by a Dom during a BDSM scene. It can also be the demoralizing result of an imbalanced and potentially toxic D/s relationship, where the Top is dumped or pushed beyond the brink of burnout and exhaustion or on the occasions when past traumatic experiences are suddenly triggered.
Top drop can be a difficult obstacle to overcome. But by understanding how to recognize the signs, manage expectations, and practice self-care, a Dominant can take control of their emotional and physical well-being and stay focused and reinvigorated.
Are you ready to take on the challenge of BDSM Dom Drop and learn how to approach it with focus and clarity? Then strap in and get ready – in this blog post, we’ll explore the best tips and tricks for conquering Top drop and figuring out how to channel your focus effectively.
Understanding the After-Effects of Domspace: What is Dom Drop?
When engaging in BDSM activities, a dominant may experience a heightened physical and psychological arousal known as Domspace (similar to the sub in subspace – see here). Feelings of empowerment, confidence, and control characterize this. During this state, the body releases high amounts of nor-adrenaline, a feel-good hormone, which provides a sense of invigoration and well-being.
However, after the scene is over and the body returns to its normal state, a corresponding drop in Norepinephrine, also known as the Nor-adrenaline mentioned above, is experienced, resulting in a phenomenon known as BDSM Dom Drop or Top Drop. This can lead to a noticeable cutback in mood, and physical and mental energy levels can leave the dominant feeling drained and exhausted.
It’s important to understand that Top drop is a natural reaction to the sudden decrease in hormones released during Domspace. While it’s not necessarily bad, it can be uncomfortable and unsettling if you’re not prepared for it.
What Does Dom Drop Look Like? (Top Drop Symptoms)
The aftermath of a Dom scene can be a lot to handle, both physically and emotionally. Generally, Dom Drop feels like a burnout. Your body is usually low on energy after the intense high experience, often leaving you feeling weak, tired, and aching muscles. In addition, it’s common to experience mood swings, lethargy, down, or even slight irritability.
Your emotions might also take a toll. After a period of being “brutal” to your partner, the scene can leave you feeling overthinking, anxious, depressed, guilt-ridden, and even disappointed. This is especially true if your submissive was hurt due to the intense BDSM scene. You may also feel low, sad, insecure, and disgusted, especially if the things you did during the scene are what society teaches against.
It’s important to remember that Top drop is perfectly normal. Of course, everyone experiences it differently, but it’s a sign that you’re allowing yourself to be vulnerable and accept the emotions that come with intense BDSM scenes.
How Common Is Dom Drop and How Long Does It Last?
The experience of ‘drops’ is not rare in the BDSM world. After intense BDSM scenes, it is typical for a Dominant and submissive to experience a low or ‘drop’ in mood (Dom Drop and subdrop). However, it is essential to note that the occurrence of a Top Drop is not guaranteed, and even if it does happen once, it does not necessarily mean it will happen again.
Additionally, it is essential to note that the actual BDSM Dom Drop may not occur directly after the intense Domspace. The ‘low’ feelings can accumulate and can kick in hours or days after the BDSM scene that led to the extreme high. But generally, the actual Dom Drop should last only for a few hours.
What Causes Top Drop?
Top drop occurs when the brain is suddenly deprived of a quick and intense endorphin rush, leaving sudden mental exhaustion and a lack of control, power, and arousal. It’s most commonly experienced after BDSM scenes involving Domspace or intense power exchange dynamics.
In addition, other reasons can knock a Dom out of their power and control and lead to Dom Drop.
One source can be past trauma. When doms have faced adverse situations in the past, anything related to them may trigger a dip in brain chemicals that lead to a BDSM Dom Drop. These reactions might not appear right after the incident, but sometimes years later, leading to an unprepared state of Top Drop.
Another cause of Top drop can occur after a D/s relationship has ended, particularly if the Dom was dumped. This can lead to an overwhelming failure to take control as a Dom and an emotional tailspin due to the sudden feeling of inadequacy.
Last, BDSM Dom Drop can be experienced if the D/s relationship is unhealthy and draining for the Top. Doms who find themselves in an overwhelming situation where they must balance their Dom duties with their job, school, family, and other commitments to maintain the relationship can’t keep up and eventually experience Top drop. Since Dominants need to constantly stay in control, this sudden exhaustion feels like a violation and can cause a dip in emotion and creativity.
That’s why it’s crucial to regulate your emotions, walk away from unhealthy situations, stay aware of your triggers and note them, and take time to pause and replenish your energy levels.
How to Stop Dom Drop (7 Ways to Get Quickly Over It)
Being a Top is tough, especially when dealing with a rough Dom drop and an intense BDSM scene. Top drop can be just as intense for the Dom as sub drop is for the submissive. The good news is that it can be managed and quickly overcome if appropriately handled.
Here are seven ways to get quickly over BDSM Dom Drop and restore your balance:
- Have lots of water and your favorite beverage or snack. This can help replenish the energy you have lost due to the BDSM scene.
- Watch your favorite movie or listen to your favorite music track. It’s a great way to unwind and refocus your mind.
- Talk with your submissive. Share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences about the scene. It may make you feel light and free.
- Take a bath with your partner. Spend some time relaxing in the water to destress and recharge your mind.
- Take a nap. Nothing beats a good rest to relax your mind and body.
- Bond with your bottom through physical comfort. This can include hugging, back rubbing, cuddling, and kissing. It’s a great way to reconnect with your submissive and restore your endorphins.
- Take a walk in the neighborhood. Fresh air and exercise can help you clear your head and ease your anxiety.
IMPORTANT: Check out what you should always have in your BDSM Aftercare Kit here.
Remember, Dom Drop is a natural and understandable circumstance for anyone in the BDSM scene. Therefore, taking care of yourself, understanding, and having meaningful conversations with your partner are crucial. And most importantly, share the responsibility with your submissive in managing and embodying aftercare practices. You will get back in control with the right attitude and strategies.
Additional Tips for Dealing with Dom Drop
In addition to the short-term aftercare practices listed earlier, you must accept that you’re experiencing BDSM Dom Drop. As a Dominant, you are used to assuming control over the situation, and it may be difficult to accept and deal with the sudden withdrawal that comes with a Top Drop. However, it’s essential to recognize that experiencing this temporary state is a natural part of BDSM and understand that it is nothing to be ashamed of.
Acknowledging your role in creating emotional space during the scene is also essential. Even though you may think that you were a bit too harsh, your Dominant practices likely helped your sub enter subspace. Taking a moment for self-reflection is also essential.
As a submissive, you are essential in helping the Dominant during the Top drop. First, ask the Dom if they are okay and demonstrate your understanding of their emotional state. Next, ask if they need someone to talk to, and if they do, focus on discussing what you enjoyed about the scene in an affirming way. Finally, offer small acts of service or appreciation to help lift their mood. Offering them time to be alone is also a valid wish and should be granted if needed.
Moreover, before engaging in a BDSM scene, discuss the limits and expectations with your partner. Having clear boundaries is essential for having a safe and enjoyable experience, and it can lessen the severity of Dom Drop. Building trust and strong communication will allow you to nurture and support each other more easily during Top drop.
All in all, it takes two to make a BDSM scene special and two to navigate Dom/sub drop. However, you and your partner can handle this situation together and come out stronger through mutual understanding and communication.
FAQs
Dom drop vs. sub drop: What’s the difference?
The difference between Dom drop and sub drop lies in who experiences them. BDSM Dom drop occurs in a Dominant partner after a BDSM play due to decreased endorphins and Nor-Adrenaline. Subdrop is felt by the submissive during the period directly after intense BDSM-related activity due to a sudden reduction in endorphins.
Both Dom drop and sub drop can come with a sense of emotional exhaustion and low mood, although subdrop can sometimes come with more physical side-effects, like body aches and fatigue.
What are some common mistakes people make when dealing with Dom Drop?
Here are five common mistakes people make when dealing with Dom Drop:
- Forgetting to set up an aftercare routine. This can easily be done with a simple ‘check-in’ list, which helps ensure both partners are mentally and physically safe.
- Not using the opportunity of aftercare to connect and talk through the experience. One partner might segregate themselves and make it difficult for the other partner to open up and debrief. It would help if you were patient and empathetic to assist in your partner’s processing and recovery from the drop.
- Taking any comments or reactions from your partner personally. The heightened emotions can lead one to exaggerate or even say untrue things. Therefore, it’s essential to keep a level head and not respond aggressively or defensively.
- Overlooking health-related issues. This is especially important, as physical problems arising from the scene are common. Whether it’s dehydration, muscle soreness, or tiredness, addressing these issues is vital.
- Not taking enough time to recover properly. Don’t rush things; give yourself and your partner enough time to recover before you return to regular activities. The goal is to end in a better emotional state than before the scene.
Are there any risks associated with Dom Drop?
The following risks (and what to do to reduce the aftermath) can accompany a BDSM Dom Drop after an intense BDSM scene for the Dom:
- Feeling emotionally overwhelmed and exhausted after the drop- Considering Dom’s emotional state and offering comfort through companionship and communication can help soothe this post-drop emotion.
- Feeling cold and disconnected from your partner- Intentionally cultivating intimacy through physical and verbal affection can help you reconnect and re-establish trust.
- Difficulty re-engaging and focusing on tasks unrelated to the scene- Identifying activities that can help re-establish your sense of self, such as yoga, exercise, or relaxing with friends, can be beneficial.
- Loneliness or depression-like symptoms- Practicing self-care, such as journaling and meditation, can help break up the emotional monotony.
- Increased mental health issues like anxiety and anger management struggles- Seeking support from your partner or trusted people such as a therapist, friend, or confidant can help you process and work through these issues.
Addressing these risks proactively ensures that your emotional health and well-being remain prioritized after the rough Top drop.
The Bottom Line
Dom Drop is a perfectly natural reaction after a BDSM scene; the key is to plan how to deal with it properly. It’s important to stay mindful of your triggers, talk to your partner after intense BDSM scenes, and practice self-care and self-reflection to channel your focus. Most importantly, it takes two to make a BDSM session unique and manage Top drop, so make sure to have meaningful conversations and supporting actions with your bottom when experiencing a Top Drop. With the right attitude, strategies, and adequate care, you can conquer BDSM Dom Drop and come out stronger.
Subdrop or Dom drop, for aftercare, it doesn’t really matter. Thus don’t forget to check out what’s handy in your drop kit: From Subspace To Reality – BDSM Aftercare Kit For A Safe Return.