Before you enter the world of BDSM dating, you should have a clear idea of what you are looking for. This analysis process goes beyond someone who shares your kinks. It will require you to think deeply about what you want from the relationship. Here are some of the things you should get clarity on.
Before starting BDSM dating, it’s best to start by considering your kinks, deciding what turns you on, and where your boundaries are. In addition, it would help if you considered what emotional requirements must be fulfilled. You should also be clear about how prominent BDSM should be within your relationship.
If you want a strong BDSM relationship, you must know what boxes your partner needs to tick. Otherwise, it will lead to a lot of confusion for both of you. So, keep reading to find what your ideal type of BDSM partner looks like.
Choosing What Type Of Relationship You Want
There are a few types of relationships that you can explore within the world of BDSM. These include:
- Casual sex. You might want a quick hookup with someone willing to embrace your kinks.
- Threesome. Joining an ethically non-monogamous couple for a threesome can be a lot of fun. Often, this is a quick fling, though it might turn into a long-term relationship.
- Long-term relationship. You might be looking for a partner whom you can settle down with. This is best if you want to create a Master/slave dynamic, as it can take a while to establish the trust involved in this type of intensive lifestyle.
- Long distance. This might occur on various BDSM social media apps, like FetLife. While you might not be able to meet physically, you can still enjoy sharing erotic stories and sexy videos.
Deciding What Kinks You Are Into
One of the best parts of a BDSM relationship is exploring your kinkier side. Because of this, you should know the types of fetishes you need your partner to embrace. Here are some things you should consider:
- What fetishes do you like? It can help to create a list of the kinks that you like. Then, when you vet a partner, you don’t need to go through the whole list, just enough to give them a sense of the type of play you like.
- Are you submissive or Dominant? Generally, BDSM can be broken down into two groups. Dominants are in control during the scene, inflicting the actions. The submissive is required to receive the action and please the Dominant. There are also switches, which change between Dominant and submissive based on the scene’s content.
- What are your limits? There are two types of limits. First, you have soft limits. You are nervous about these activities but want to try with the right partner. Then, you have hard limits. You won’t be willing to do these things under any circumstances.
- What fetishes aren’t you into? Likely, your partner will also have a list of kinky things they’d like to try. But there might be some types of fetish play that you aren’t into. For example, you might be a submissive who doesn’t mind using restraints but won’t like a partner who uses extreme verbal humiliation.
- How much experience should your partner have? If you are starting in the BDSM world, you might want to find a beginner who can learn with you. Or you might want a more experienced hand to steer you through the process.
While sex isn’t the only part of a long-term BDSM relationship, it’s still a critical component to get right. So, knowing what will turn you on in the bedroom is a good idea.
You will still need to communicate clearly before each scene, establishing clear boundaries. This ensures that you both have a fantastic time during your BDSM play.
What Are Your Other Needs
If you want a long-term relationship, knowing what emotional needs your partner will need to meet is essential. Here are some of the things that you might want to consider:
- What are your non-negotiables in a relationship? There are a few things within a relationship that you won’t want to compromise on. For example, you might want only to find someone open to a monogamous relationship.
- What are you looking for in a partner? This goes beyond physical appearance. For example, do you want a strong Dominant who can also act as your protector outside the bedroom? Or would you prefer a more submissive person who is happy to follow your lead?
- What are your priorities in life? Sometimes, you will focus on your career and need a partner to support your ambitions.
In this area, a BDSM relationship isn’t much different from a vanilla relationship. You will need to find someone you have a solid emotional bond with. This ensures that you will feel comfortable opening up to them.
How Prominent Should BDSM Be In Your Relationship?
There are several ways that you can incorporate BDSM into your life. Here are some options that you can explore:
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Dating Basics in BDSM Limited to the bedroom. Some people like to isolate BDSM play to the bedroom. So, you will have relatively vanilla interactions with your partner the rest of the time.
- Part-time. You might want to limit the amount of when BDSM play can take place. For example, you might only want to play after work. Or you might just want to have a BDSM relationship on the weekends, with vanilla dynamics during the week.
- 24/7. If you prefer a more intense relationship, you might want to try a BDSM lifestyle 24/7. This will often require you to set clear boundaries. To help you do this, you can create a Master/slave contract.
There are numerous ways that the relationship dynamic can play out. For example, you might want to try a Gorean lifestyle. This is based on the Gor novels written by John Norman.
The series describes a world where women are enslaved and forced to serve their male masters. In this society, they are viewed as worthless and exist solely to bring pleasure to their owners.
This can be brought into the real world in a. consensual BDSM context. For example, those in the Gorean community require Masters to train their slaves, ensuring they act in a way that pleases them. There would also be punishments if a slave failed to act correctly, like whipping them with a leather flogger. This article talks you through the basics of punishing a disobedient slave. However, it should be noted that this type of lifestyle also has benefits for the slave, who can be free to express themselves and allow their Master to take care of the critical decisions. Has the Gorean Lifestyle aroused your Interest? Find much more details in our dedicated article, Many Shades Of Erotic Slavery – Exploring The Gorean Lifestyle.
It’s crucial to have a conversation with your potential partner about your kinks and desires. This will allow you to create a lifestyle that works for both of you.
Final Thoughts
Finding the right BDSM partner can be a difficult task. You will often need to interview multiple people. During this time, it’s easier to be clear on your values and what you are looking for. Though you might need to date multiple people, you will eventually find someone who can fulfill both your emotional and sexual desires.