Bondage And Shibari Dating: How To Start Today?

A good relationship is built on trust. So what better way to test your trust than through rope bondage play, where your partner has total control over your body?

But finding someone open-minded and willing to try this type of fetish play can be challenging, mainly if you use vanilla dating apps like Tinder or FriendFinder.com. Thankfully, plenty of kinky lovers can make your fantasies come to life. Read on to learn how you can find them. 

What Is Shibari? 

Bondage is one of the more common BDSM kinks. But Shibari is a more niche variation within Bondage. It originated in Japan, where it has been used for sexual purposes for centuries. However, there are a few things that make Shibari unique; these include:

• Using ropes for bondage. There are plenty of ways to use bondage in the world of BDSM. For example, some people like to use handcuffs or bondage tape. But Shibari refers exclusively to the use of ropes. So, to give it a go, you’ll need to get some rope. Plenty of options are available; this article will talk you through the process of finding the suitable bondage rope for you. The ropes in the MISSTU three-pack are designed to be soft and durable, making it an ideal starter rope for BDSM. 
• Shibari uses intricate patterns. One of the reasons why ropes are so popular for binding a submissive is because of the intricate patterns you can create. For example, you might want to crisscross the rope across your partner’s stomach. 
• Dozens of positions to try. You can use a rope to position your partner’s body in dozens of ways. If you are new to this type of play, you can place their hands above their head. A more experienced Master can hog-tie their slave, severely limiting their movement. You can even suspend them from the ceiling. 

As you can imagine, Shibari encourages experimentation as you try new positions to find what brings you the most pleasure. It also helps you build a strong bond with your partner. If you’re asking someone to bind you up and take control of your body, it’s a clear sign that you trust them. 

What Dating Apps Should Rope Bondage Fetishists Use? 

There is a range of kinky dating apps that will be open to Shibari fantasies. The most prominent options are: 

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  FetLife. This isn’t strictly a dating app. Instead, it’s closer to a social media app. However, it can still be used to meet with people who share your interests. There are dozens of fetishes discussed on the app, including a thriving Shibari community. 

• Bondage.com. This is the perfect place for people looking for a partner who is into bondage, as the name already implies. It features plenty of user-generated content, such as sexy videos and live webcams. Additionally, this website offers multiple sign-up options, ideal for ethical non-monogamy, and boasts a young user base aged 25 to 35. The interface makes it easy to find local matches too.
• BDSM Singles. Females dominate this kinky dating website. Thanks to the search functions, you will be able to find people who are interested in rope bondage quickly. It also has plenty of forums to get tips on improving your Shibari play. 
• Passion.com. This site is a hugely popular dating website that has been around for over 20 years. It has a high female demographic, and for those interested in Shibari and Bondage play, it also offers plenty of features such as search functions and forums to get connected and find the right match.
• KinkD. This app combines the ease of use of Tinder with the open-minded nature of the BDSM community. You can swipe to see whom you match with or search for people interested in your specific fetish. 
• AdultFriendFinder.com. With an estimated 55 million visitors per month, AdultFriendFinder (AFF) is the world’s largest dating site. Though not exclusively a BDSM website, AFF provides plenty of opportunities for Bondage and Shibari lovers looking for partners. This website has unique features like video chat and online chat rooms, compatibility scores, and gender/location search filters. Most users are open-minded and willing to experiment, so finding matches that meet your Shibari desires is straightforward. 
• Alt.com. This dating site reflects one of the world’s largest BDSM communities and features a wide range of registration options – individuals, couples, and groups are all welcome. It’s easy to find matches based on interest (e.g., Bondage/Shibari), and it’s also friendly for those just getting started in the BDSM world. This site boasts vital search functions as well as moderated forums that help users connect with local members around them.

The good news is that you don’t need to be limited to one BDSM dating app. Instead, you might try several options to find what works for you. 

Of course, you can also choose to use some vanilla dating apps. This includes things like Tinder, Grindr, and Plenty of Fish. However, you must be prepared to deal with people only interested in vanilla sex and who might reject you once your kink is revealed.  

Should You Use Vanilla Apps For Shibari Dating?

You might have some luck using a vanilla app for Shibari dating. But it will take a bit of effort. So here are some pros and cons to consider when deciding if this is the right approach for you: 

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  Vanilla apps have a higher user base. This is one of the most significant benefits of using a vanilla app. With more users, you have a better chance of finding a match. 

• Some vanilla users will reject kinkier play. Users on a vanilla app might say that they are open-minded. But often, their experimentation has a limit. They might be okay with light kinks, like handcuffs, but might be unwilling to embrace a heavier fetish, like a desire for your partner to hog-tie you.
• You will need to explain what Shibari is. The onus will be put on you to explain what rope bondage is and why it excites you. For some people, this can be a daunting experience, especially when there is a chance that their partner can reject their fantasies. 
• You will need to take the lead in the bedroom. At first, you’ll also be expected to take the lead in the bedroom. Remember, Shibari has a steeper learning curve than other BDSM fetishes. 

If you accept these downsides, a vanilla dating site might be worth a try. It often helps to use codewords like “likes to take the lead” or “open-minded” in your profile to indicate that you enjoy kink play. Find detailed information on how to use a vanilla dating app to find your BDSM partner here.

Our strongest recommendation for a vanilla app for finding a BDSM play partner is AdultFriendFinder.com, as described above. This website has such a huge open community that it’s the best choice to find a kinky partner online. 

Other Ways To Meet Shibari Enthusiasts

Dating apps aren’t the only place where you can meet those who are interested in rope bondage. Here are some other options to explore: 

• Online forums. Sites like FetLife have plenty of online forums full of people who love Shibari. You might also want to try sites like Reddit. 
• Local meet-ups. If you live in a larger city, there will usually be a thriving BDSM community. They might get together for in-person events, also called munches. This is an excellent opportunity to find other kinky people and learn new BDSM techniques. 

There are a few ways to find out about these events. Some BDSM websites, like FetLife, can contain information about meet-ups, with the ability to search by local area. You can also try Googling BDSM meet-ups or relying on word of mouth. 

• Play parties. While munches are more like vanilla events, play parties are more NSFW, where people can engage in BDSM sex. Gaining entrance into these parties can be difficult. You’ll often have to know someone who is organizing the party. 

The most important thing is to be a vital part of your local BDSM community. The more people you know, the more events you will get invited to, giving you more opportunities to explore your kinkier side. 

Tips To Find Someone Who Will Embrace Shibari And Rope Bondage

Finding someone who embraces rope play and Shibari shouldn’t be too demanding on a kinky dating app. But it might be a challenge on a vanilla app. Either way, here are some tips for finding someone who shares your passion: 

• Mention rope bondage in your profile. One of the joys of using a BDSM dating app is the ability to be upfront about your fantasies. You can talk about your love for Shibari in your profile. You can also use a self-bondage photo to tell people how important this kink is. You can create an anonymous profile if you are nervous about sharing your fetish. 
• Be open to questions about your fetish. Often, you will need to field more questions when using vanilla dating websites. Some of these people might not have interpreted the subtle clues in your profile and might not be aware that you are into kink play. 

However, those on BDSM sites will also want to learn more about your fetish and fantasies. For example, what do you want to happen when you are tied up? 

• Search for fetishes. Most BDSM apps will allow you to search for specific fetishes, including Shibari. 
• Be willing to travel. One of the downsides of BDSM apps is that they tend to have a smaller user base. Because of this, you will need to be open to traveling a more considerable distance to meet a potential partner. 

How To Introduce Shibari Play To Your Relationship? 

It’s understandable to be a little nervous about entering the world of Shibari. But learning rope bondage doesn’t have to be a challenge. Here are some tips to help you get started with this kink play: 

• Go slowly at first. It can be a little intimidating if your new partner is unfamiliar with Shibari. Start with simpler knots and basic positions, so you can build confidence. 

• Learn the knots. Shibari will require you to do a little research before you start playing. First, you’ll need to learn the proper knots. The good news is that plenty of resources can help you with this. For example, you might want to check out the Shibari Academy website or watch some YouTube videos. We highly recommend checking out beducated.com and the KinkAcademy as well. Both feature Shibari courses on a detailed level! 

• Experiment with sensations. One of the joys of Shibari is the ability to experience a vast range of sensations. You can feel the brush of your partner’s skin against your body when tying the knots and the stinging pressure when they pull the rope tight. Once your body is restricted, you are at the Master’s mercy. They can trace your body with a soft feather tickler and use the fantastic magic wand to give you a pleasurable orgasm. Or they can apply a leather whip to make it hurt so good. 

As always, it’s best to talk about the scene. This ensures that both you and your partner feel comfortable. You can also develop ideas to make Shibari play more pleasurable in the future. 

Safety Tips For Shibari Play

Shibari can be a little more dangerous than other BDSM kinks. If you aren’t careful, it can lead to nerve damage, as you restrict blood flow around the body. Here are some simple safety tips to help you prevent this, especially if you play for the first time with your new Shibari date: 

• Set your limits. As with any form of BDSM play, it’s essential to talk about what you are comfortable with before the scene begins. You should also set a safe word to stop all play during the scene. 
• Have scissors nearby. You should be able to cut through the ropes quickly if things don’t go according to plan. This is especially important if you start and first practice self-bondage. 
• Avoid making the knots too tight. It’s up to the rigger to control the tension on the rope. The knots should be firm enough to keep the submissive restrained. It’s common for the skin to turn red when the rope is pulled tight. However, you should pay attention if the skin goes pale. This is a sign that blood isn’t flowing properly. Furthermore, the submissive should pay attention to a loss of sensation, which can indicate nerve damage. 
• Limit session length. You should try to stick to sessions that last 15 to 20 minutes; this limits the chance of nerve damage. 

Final Thoughts

Shibari play is one of the most popular BDSM kinks. There’s something so sexy about being tied up and placed at the mercy of a dominant. While you can try restraining yourself, practicing this kink with a partner is far more fun. We discussed how to find this partner on- and offline in this article. In the real world, you could visit local meet-ups or join a BDSM play party; in the virtual world, apps or dating sites such as AdultFriendFinder (AFF), Passion.com, or Bondage.com your friends if it comes to finding your next rope partner. 

So, fire up your fetish dating app of choice and find someone to help bring your Shibari fantasies to life.