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Ever felt tired and bored with your sex life? Believe me, I was there, and if the TV is more appealing than your partner, it may be time to spice up your sex life; why not introduce BDSM into your bedroom... But do not get scared and run away. This kink (unconventional sexual taste) has various layers ranging from a dirty, demanding talk to a whipping session where your partner will have some marks even a few days later. Firstly, BDSM is never abusive, always consensual, and involves a lot of communication. BDSM has become more mainstream, especially after the movies Fifty Shades of Grey and further evidenced by. Meanwhile, this is even scientifically proven by a Smithsonian survey, which states that 36% of Americans practice BDSM in some way. But where to start? How to Spice Up Your Sex Life? Stop Procrastinating & Start Now The first step is to get your partner on the same page. That could be as easy as talking about the topic before your next bedroom experience. Look for a hook to start the conversation (e.g., watch a movie where BDSM scenes are shown or leave an article in a magazine open) and then talk openly to see if they are willing to give it a try. Or, if you are finding yourself in a boring missionary position next time, try to pinch the nipples, lightly choke your partner, or give them a solid stroke on the ass and see their reaction. In any case, talk about the experience and be sure that you find consent with your partner. Suppose your partner is open to you for more, fantastic! You could start to discover the diverse elements of Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, and Sadism/Masochism (in short: BDSM). It could be overwhelming if you are new to this topic, so let’s discover some ideas on introducing and advancing BDSM in your sex life. You don't have to feel shy to try it out, BDSM is nowadays a very common activity. Dirty Talk There are no tools needed for excellent dirty talk, but it’s absolutely something you should discuss before introducing this into your sex life! Using dedicated titles during sex, such as “Master/Madam,” “Sir/Mistress” for the dominant part, or “Slut/Slave” for the submissive, could be exciting but also very dangerous if not pre-discussed upfront. As one person could be very upset if unaware in advance that this activity was going to take place and could react very upset, maybe your first dirty talk adventure could end up cold turkey with a slap in your face! Role Play Do you want to try the feeling of being dominant and submissive? Active role-playing is a good start. For example, the dom (the dominant or person in power) could play the role of the CEO or a police officer, and the submissive can be an employee or gangster. Also widespread are roles like teacher and student. There are no limits, so use your imagination. Blind Eyes Depriving your partner of one of their senses (vision or auditory) could be an exciting and intense experience and easy to introduce. Even only demanding from your partner to keep their eyes closed would already do it. But to be sure that they are not cheating, a scarf, tie, or a sleeping mask will do well as a proper blindfold. If you want to escalate it a bit more, also deprive your partner of his auditory senses using earplugs or headphones (e.g., playing some excellent music; thus, the surrounding background noise isn’t hearable anymore). Your partner will be excited and guess where you will touch the next. So don’t miss out on the opportunity to let them feel a bit alone and watch how they deal with the uncertainty when you come back or if you “ever” will come back. Woman with covered eyes Light spanking For the beginning, also here, no special tools are needed. Start with your bare hand and preferably on the ass cheeks. If your partner could dare more, try other areas of the body, like the upper thighs, foot soles, or even the tits of your female partner. If there is room for more pain tolerance, look into your kitchen and closet drawers before heading to the next sex shop to buy an accessory like a whip. Many options, e.g., cooking spoons, belts, or even a hairbrush, are handy. At this stage, it’s essential to talk about a “safeword.” A safeword is used to stop a plot if it’s getting too painful or the partner wants to stop due to other reasons. If you play a bit harder or with tools, this is necessary. A good approach is also to agree on a kind of feedback from the submissive partner, such as giving after each stroke or after every third one feedback about the strengths, e.g., on a scale from 1-10 (1 – very soft, 5 – okay, I could endure this longer, 10 – at or over my limit). Also, if you are the dominant part, try the tool and the strength; hit yourself before on your inner palm, so you have a good feeling of how strong you hit. Bondage The excitement for the submissive comes from the feeling of being at the mercy of the dominant. This could start as easy as “agreeing on” or demanding that the sub is not allowed to move, e.g., he must cross his arms behind his head and keep his legs wide open. So, the sub could easily escape or end the play at any time, but it’s already a good feeling of dominance and submission. If you are up for a deeper dive, the next step could be to have a tour of your house again. Belts, scarfs, ties, or bathrobe belts are all handy for first close contact with bondage. If you like this kink further, you could invest in special bondage ropes or other restraining tools. For bondage freshmen, they are easy-to-use starter kits to purchase. With those, you could fix your partner to the bed, with cuffs around his arms and legs, interlinked with straps, going under the mattress. So, you could spice up your bondage experience quickly. Woman's feet tied with a red rope Go all in Maybe you will find out that playing with domination and submission or pain and pleasure really spices up your sex life and, in this case, your entire relationship as well. Then it’s time to explore even more. The internet and especially our website can show you plenty of ideas, and furthermore, there are plenty of exciting books about BDSM available. If you are looking forward to learning some more outside of your house, consider joining a bondage workshop or visiting an experienced dom. The field of BDSM, with its different kinks, is widely diversified, and it never gets boring! Sir M, April 2022

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